Using a Recruiter To Find A Job: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

Friday, November 02, 2007
Using A Recruiter To Find A Job

Job recruiters are useless.

That's one of the things I've learned in my recent job search. When I would contact them, they would either a) never respond, or b) tell me that they don't specialize in my "specific" field (who knew that writing and editing were such niche talents) but that they'd keep their eye out for me.

Assholes.

So one day, I sent a group e-mail to a bunch of these recruiters and tried my best to break down my skill set. Here is what I wrote:

Dear Recruiters:

My name is Nevin.

Find me a job.

Any job.

As you can see by the resume I attached, I can do writing, editing, marketing, public relations, corporate communications, and so forth.

Here are some of the other things I'd be willing to do for pay:

---Scoop ice cream.

---Shovel elephant dung.

---Juggle knives.

---Deliver eviction notices to folks in the ghetto.

---Eat glass.

---Be a Wal Mart greeter.

---Shave the wool off of sheep.

---Milk cows.

---Shovel other types of dung.

---Be a guidance counselor for teenage girls in Orange County.

---Teach Latin to dogs.

And finally, worst case scenario:

---Work in food services.

Please get back to me with a list of employment opportunities at your earliest convenience.

Sincerely,

Nevin Barich

a.k.a. Slave

And even after all that, I still couldn't find a recruiter to help me land a job.

I thought the "Wal-Mart Greeter," at the very least, would get me some response. They're always looking for people who will accept anything for any pay.

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