Monday, May 30, 2011

Male Cosmetics: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

You gotta be kidding me.

A new report has stated that the market in India for male cosmetics…

(OK, let that thought marinate for a second. Male cosmetics.)

….is expected to grow around 20% during the 2010-2014 period.

According to the report, men are becoming more beauty-conscious as they believe that career success is linked with how a person presents himself to others. Thus, men don’t want to run the risk of being seen as irresponsible and negligent due to their looks.

And that’s all well and good. You want to look more presentable? Wear a tie. Comb your hair. Shave. Make sure you don’t smell.

But don’t bust out the mascara and foundation and ask yourself what the best way is to bring our your natural beauty.

Now look: There is a time and place for male makeup. You’re on television? OK, it makes sense for the makeup artist to work on you. Some humongous zit in a prominent place has come up on your face and you’re about to go out in public? Ask your wife or girlfriend if she could use that “concealer thing” on you.

But at the risk of sounding sexist: Men should not use makeup on a regular basis. I don’t want them taking out a compact in the middle of hanging out with the boys on NFL Sunday. I don’t want to hear them uttering the word “bronzer.”

After all: Are we really so vain?

And now for this week's:


The end of the world will now be in October.


Sunday, May 22, 2011

Seeing A "Guy Movie": A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

This past Friday, my friend Carlos and I went to see "Fast Five", the latest in the "Fast And The Furious" movie franchise. It's what men everywhere affectionately refer to as a:

"Guy Movie."

Guy movies are traditionally simplistic in nature. They comprise of the following things:

Action star guys.

Beautiful women.



Lots of bad guys.

One main bad guy who always wears a suit.

And a lot of implausible fight scenes and crashes that should kill the good guys in a manner of seconds, but in actuality just give the good guys a few minor dings and leave them no worse for wear.

Fast Five featured all of these.


(Note: Minor spoilers ahead. Nothing to really give the plot away, but a few details nonetheless):

---When Vin Diesel gets busted out of the jailhouse bus by Paul Walker and Jordana Brewster, the truck flips over about 14 times -- with Vin in it -- but he is apparently able to leave unscathed.

---The main bad guy wears great suits.

---I counted about 8 times where Vin had his head bashed into a steel wall. He was OK.

---And Vin and Paul drop about 200 feet off a bridge into a river.

(They live.)

This movie has made untold millions of dollars -- both domestic and internationally -- since its release in late April. And as such, my theory on movies has been further strengthened:

Today's movies have gotten too complex. Complex characters. Complex plot. Complex dynamic. Complex chemistry. Complex sets. Complex costumes. I miss the simple days. Stallone. Van Damme. Ahnold. Willis. Good guy with some rough edges going up against some bad guys with a lot of guns, headed up by some sort of well-dressed drug lord.

I miss those kind of movies. Because with those kind of movies, you don't have to think. You just have to sit back and enjoy. In other aspects of life, you need to think. Work. Relationships. Household. When I go to the movies, I want to escape. I don't want to think.

That's why I never go see those Al Gore environmental documentaries.

I prefer ignorance.

And explosions.

And well-dressed drug lords.


And now for this week's:


A man in Wisconsin has just eaten his 25,000th McDonald's Big Mac, at one point eating nine per day.

Only in America.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Wearing Mismatched Socks: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

Recently, I was hanging out with a bunch of friends, just talking and eating pizza and such, when my friend Michelle made the following comment to me:

Nevin! Your socks don't match.

I looked down. Sure enough, my socks did not match.

Now, here's what Michelle doesn't know. My socks pretty much never match. I mean, ever. I've never been one to make matching socks a high priority. It's not that I'm against matching socks. It's not that I'm a rebel who wants to wear mismatched socks to feel different. I'm not making a statement by not matching my socks.

I just don't wear matching socks.

And really, I don't see the big deal. For one thing...

...they're socks.

Secondly, most of the time your socks are hidden within your shoes. So it's not like anyone can see my mismatched socks 99.9 percent of the time. And usually, when I take off my shoes, I take off my socks as well. So if I'm shoeless, I'm generally sockless.

And third, matching socks can be a pain in the ass. When I do my laundry, I throw everything in at once and wash with cold water (like all men). I'm not gonna wash my clothes, dry, and then do through my laundry matching my socks with its appropriate twin. I mean, that's a lot of work to match your socks. Plus, you have to roll your socks. And I'm not a roller. I don't roll. No rolling goes on in my laundry.

Now what doesn't surprise is the negative response I get from women on this. Most women are into matching their socks, wearing high heels, and doing a million other things to their bodies that men can't even process.


Why does a woman wear a thong if no guy (or girl, if that's the way she floats. And if so, there's nothing wrong with that. This is an open-minded blog) will see it later on? I know girls who wear thongs, go to work, go home to an empty house, take their clothes off (including thong), and change into comfy clothes (including comfy, unflattering underwear). So in that scenario, what is the point of wearing a thong?

I never understood that.

I'm not complaining, mind you. I just never understood it.

But what I really don't get are men who have issues with my matching socks. To those men, I say: What the $#@%$# is wrong with you?!? I mean, dude, they're socks! And we're men! Isn't it enough that we put on pants before we walk out the door? Don't be one of those guys obsessed with their under-footwear. C'mon now, get back to your roots.

In the end, socks are socks. I'm happy when I can find two clean ones, let alone matching ones. And if someone ever happens to see my socks and see that they're not a matching set, just so that this is how God made me:



And now for this week's:


NFL wide receiver Chad Ochocinco is filling his hours during the NFL lockout by doing -- among other things -- professional bullriding.

It's nice to see that he's keeping busy.

End the lockout, NFL.

And please hurry.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Trying To Decide On Pizza Toppings: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

Not long ago, I had some folks over for the Super Bowl and poker. As per tradition when you have folks over for sporting events and cards, I called upon the one food staple that has always been featured prominently in such events:


Now here's the thing when it comes to ordering pizza for a group of people: It's always difficult for me to decide which toppings to get on each pizza. Deciding how many pizzas to get is pretty simple. Just take the number of people you're having over, count up how many slices are in each pizza, do some basic division, and you're good to go (Note: Always order thick or pan crust. It generally works best for parties).

But pizza toppings have admittedly always thrown me off when ordering for large groups. Back in the old days, it used to be simple. Cheese. Pepperoni. The occasional sausage. But today, everybody has weird preferences. Veggie only. Certain kinds of cheese. Canadian bacon. Onions are OK but not bell peppers. Pineapple.

Freakin' pineapple. I mean...really?

So prior to ordering the pizzas, me and my friend Josh -- who came over prior to the pizza order -- spent 30 minutes going over the pros and cons of which pizza toppings to get on which pizza. And our conversation went something like this:

Me: OK, so we're getting four pizzas. Let's go over toppings.

Josh: OK.

Me: We should definitely have one pepperoni.

Josh: Definitely. Pepperoni's a must.

Me: And one Meat Lover's should work.

Josh: Good call. People like meat.

Me: And what do we do about veggies?


Josh: Cheese?

Me: See, I was thinking that too. But these days, people want veggies on their pizza.

Josh: Yeah, that's true.


Josh: Veggie Lover's pizza?

Me: Let me see what's on that.


Me: Onions, bell peppers, onions, tomatoes and olives.

Josh: Man. That's a lot of veggies.

Me: I know!


Me: I'm worried about the tomatoes.

Josh: Yeah. I mean, you already have tomato sauce. Doesn't that make tomatoes kind of redundant.

Me: Yeah, it does. I mean, it just throws the whole thing off.


Josh: What if you got one cheese and one with a couple of veggie toppings?

Me: Hmm. That could work. But which veggie toppings?


Me: People seem to like mushrooms.

Josh: Yeah, mushrooms would work.


Josh: Mushrooms and onions?

Nev: I don't know. I mean, I like onions. But are onions really popular across the board?

Josh: Yeah, good point. I'm not sure.


Josh: Bell peppers and onions?

Nev: Huh. (thinks) Let's put that in the maybe pile.

Josh: OK.


Josh: I got it!

Nev: You do? What?

Josh: Jalapenos and onions!


Nev: Kind of spicy, no?

Josh: Yeah, that's true.


Josh: You know, Nev. It is pizza. If you just buy it and put it in front of people, they'll just eat it.

Nev: You know what, Josh? You have a point.

And Josh did.

In the end, we got a Meat Lover's, a Pepperoni Lover's, a Cheese Lover's and one pizza with mushrooms and olives.

And everyone swallowed up every pizza pie.

What we learned:

1) Veggies are always the monkey wrench when it comes to pizza toppings. Know why? Because veggie toppings should be a compliment, a sidekick. They shouldn't be the primary topping(s). So you vegetarians are ruining it for the rest of us.

And 2) When it comes to pizza, don't over-analyze. Just buy the pizza and people will eat it, regardless of what's on it.

Like dogs.


And now for this week's:


Pippa Middleton, the sister of England's new Princess Katherine, has been offered $5 million to appear in a porn film...for just one scene.

Here's my question:

What does "one scene" mean in the porn world? Does it mean just walking in and out of the room, as you watch other people do it? Or does she just have sex with one guy, and that counts as a scene? How does this work? What does Pippa have to do -- and how many -- for this $5 million?

You need to read the fine print, I always say.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Challenging A Robot Sportswriter: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

Attention, robot sportswriter: You may have beaten the college kid. Now do you want to go 1-on-1 with a pro?

According to, a robot journalist – yes, a robot journalist – recently wrote what was considered to be a much better story on a recent college baseball game between The University of Virginia and George Washington. The human journalist – a writer for – neglected to mention until late in the story that the Virginia pitcher threw a perfect game in the victory, admittedly a major no-no in the sportswriting world (Note: the story should’ve led with that fact, in case you didn’t know).

Meanwhile, the creators of Narrative Science, a news-writing software program, fed all the facts and figures of the game into their writing system, and their robot sports journalist wrote a story that led with the fact that the Virginia pitcher threw the perfect game.

Now that’s all well and good. A robot brain beating someone writing for a college website who likely has little-to-no experience in the world of sports journalism. But I bring a little more to the table. I started sportswriting at 17 years old. I worked as a sportswriter and editor for 6 ½ years at the Daily News of Los Angeles. I’ve covered high school, college and pro events. I know that when a guy throws a perfect game, I lead with it.

I’m not knocking the concept of machines taking over certain human jobs. That’s inevitable as technology improves. But writing? But sportswriting? No way!

So Narrative Science, creators of your little Terminator machine: The challenge is at your feet. Think your little robot boy can handle the step-up in competition?

The ball’s in your robot court.

And now for this week's: