Moms are nuts. We all know this. Yes, they're kind and sweet and the most wonderful women on Earth -- and if nothing else, you can always go home to Mom -- but I'm sure I speak for many when I say the most random, ridiculous conversations we will ever have in our lives are with the woman who gave us life.
Over the past few months, I've had a few rather exceptionally whacked-out conversations with my mom, who -- being from Brooklyn and Jewish -- is more nuts than most.
Observe:
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Nev's Mom: Nevin, I'm not so sure about this Content Editor job.
Nev: Well like I said, Mom, I'm just talking with them. No formal offer has been made.
Nev's Mom: I know, but with Wonder Bread going out of business...
Nev: I know but...wait, what?
Nev's Mom: You didn't hear? Wonder Bread is going out of business.
Nev: Um...OK.
Nev's Mom: Nevin, hello? Wonder Bread!
Nev: What does Wonder Bread have to do with my job search?
Nev's Mom: Well, if Wonder Bread can go out of business, don't you think this company you're talking to can go out of business too?
Nev: That...that makes absolutely no sense!! Mom, the Content Editor job deals with loyalty services. That's, like, credit card rewards points. Wonder Bread deals with...bread.
Nev's Mom: I'm just saying: It's a scary time in the business world. If Wonder Bread goes out of business, then that makes me worry more about you.
Nev: But I don't...work with bread.
Nev's Mom: But you eat sandwiches!!
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Nev's Mom: Who is your Internet provider?
Nev: AT&T.
Nev's Mom: Why don't you have Verizon?
Nev: Because AT&T was the main provider in my coverage area.
Nev's Mom: But isn't Verizon your cell service?
Nev: Yeah.
Nev's Mom: So why isn't Verizon your Internet provider?
Nev: Um...I don't know.
Nev's Mom: Well, wouldn't that make more sense?
Nev: Mom, when I moved into my apartment, they told me AT&T was the main Internet provider here. So I got AT&T.
Nev's Mom: Did you at least consider Verizon?
Nev: Why are you asking me this two years later?
Nev's Mom: Because I'm concerned.
Nev: About what? My Internet?
Nev's Mom: Yes!
Nev: Why?
Nev's Mom: Because Verizon is your cell phone. And you have two different technologies and two different companies and...I just worry!! What if they don't work well together and they explode?!?
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And finally:
Nev's Mom: Don't forget to get your brake pads done.
Nev: Mom, I don't have to do that for, like, 3-4 months.
Nev's Mom: I know, but I'm just reminding you.
Nev: You're reminding me about something I won't do for four months?
Nev's Mom: Well, what if you forget?
Nev: Well, if you're so worried, why don't you remind me in, like, four months?
Nev's Mom: Well, why don't you write yourself a note so I don't have to remind you four months in advance?!?
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My favorite line was the "technologies not working together and exploding" thing. I confess: I didn't see that one coming. That was a new one.
Moms.
Yeah.
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