(Note: This is Part 1 of a two-part series on the Presidential debate and the idiocy of American politics in general. This week, we focus on the Republican Primary.)
I don't vote.
I don't vote because I don't think my vote matters.
I don't vote because I don't care.
And I know what most of you are going to say:
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DON'T VOTE!! WHAT IF EVERYONE THOUGHT THE SAME WAY AS YOU AND NOBODY VOTED?!? DO YOU REALIZE WHAT CHAOS WOULD ERUPT?!? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!
And you want to know what the sad part is?
People like me -- the non-voters who have no clue where a voting place is -- are the most educated when it comes to American politics.
Know why? Because we know that when all is said and done, elections always come down to the two favorites. And it's always something about those two favorites, something simple, that make us vote for them.
Take the current Presidential primaries, for example.
You've got all these candidates, some of them with some radical platforms, and the "informed voters" start spouting off the usual nonsense:
"Ron Paul could win!! He has across-the-board appeal."
"Huckabee's foreign policies have inspired me in a way I've never thought possible."
"Joe Biden is what this country needs!!"
Folks, let me break down, in 26 words, some words of wisdom about American politics that the "experts" will never admit for fear of losing their jobs:
All elections come down to the same two people that were considered the favorites from the get-go. Because people like familirity, conformity and fear change.
With that in mind, let me tell you who won't win the Republican primary:
Ron Paul. Note to folks in California who are becoming "one-time Republicans" to vote for Ron: Real republicans are never going to give a victory to a Republican who appeals so strongly to liberals. It's just not kosher.
John McCain. He looks too old.
Mitt Romney: First of all, his name is Mitt. Second, people in Massachusetts -- where Mitt is Governor, for Christ's sake -- don't like Mitt. And if you're not liked in your own governed state, you won't win nationwide appeal.
So it's time to skip over this bullshit primary and let you know who is going to win the Republican nomination in a walk.
Rudy Giuliani.
For one simple reason:
9-11.
9-11 is still fresh in everyone's minds. And if you don't think so, let me give you some buzz words:
TERRORISM!!!
WAR ON TERROR!!!
TERRORISTS AT OUR BORDERS!!!
You hear that every day. And 9-11 is the reason for it.
And Giuliani, who was awesome in the aftermath of 9-11, will play that up for all it's worth.
And you know what? We'll take the bait, take it hook, line and sinker.
Because American voters are puppets.
And puppets dance.
I'm not a puppet.
Because I don't know where my voting place is.
:-)
(Next week: Will 9-11 Rudy face a woman or a black man? Non-voter Nev breaks down the Democrats.)
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