Saturday, March 22, 2008

Hillary Clinton And Evil Clowns: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

(This is Part 2 of a two-part series in which I, a non-voter, give my "locks" for the presidential nominations. Last week, Rudy Giuliani got Nev's nod for the Republicans and is already preparing his party acceptance speech as a result. This week, we analyze the democratic race.)

Let me tell you something about Hillary Clinton:

The woman scares me. I mean, let's face it: She's creppy looking. She looks waxy, her eyes bug out when she smiles, and if I stare at her too long, a cold shiver comes across me and images of evil clowns creep into my mind.

Yet despite these flaws and many more (such as those ugly-ass business suits she wears, which do nothing for her), Hillary is going to win the democratic presidential nomination for one reason, and one reason only:

Bill Clinton.

You see, Bill is everything his wife is not: Good looking, warm, personable, a great talker, and he wears a suit well.

And lately, he's been barnstorming the country talking long and hard about how great it would be if his little woman became prez.

And we listen to Bill with rapt attention and hang on his every word. Why? Because we love Bill. He's a great guy. He's got that southern-charm thing going. Men feel like they can have a beer with him, and women want to have sex with him.

That's called crossover appeal, people.

People love Bill. Hillary is married to Bill. Thus, people will vote for Hillary because they're thinking about Bill.

Barack Obama? He'll make a run. He's dignified, sophisticated, intelligent, black and he has Oprah Winfrey on his side.

Barack can beat Hillary.

He just can't beat her husband.

BillHill: Nev's lock for the Dems.

(Next week: We move away from politics and back to dumb daily life. Because really, that's more fun. LOL)


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