Saturday, January 2, 2010

The Annoying Thing About New Year's Resolutions: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

Have you ever known someone who actually kept a New Year's resolution?

Every New Year's holiday features a bunch of people from all walks of life who decide on a New Year's resolution, something they say they're going to accomplish by the time the new year ends. You hear them all the time. "I'm gonna go on a diet. I'm gonna quit smoking. I'm gonna cut out meat. I'm gonna buy less shoes."

No one ever keeps these New Year's resolutions. I've never kept one, I've never known someone to keep one, and chances are the same goes for you and the people you know. The folks who say they're gonna do a diet? Eating Oreos by January 5. The smokers? Puffing away within a week. The meat eaters? You'll find them at McDonald's about a month and a half after they've eaten frozen tofu for the ninth time. And the shoe buyers? Finished at the first sign of a sale.

But here's the thing: People who don't keep their New Year's resolutions don't bother me. Because if it did, I would hate myself and every single person on Earth.

And that's just not realistic. :-)

What bothers me are the ones that get so high-and-mighty about their New Year's resolutions. You'll seen these people a million times. The ones who proclaim, who decree, that this New Year's holiday, they have given up their vice. Not that they're going to, mind you, but that they have. The smokers have "quit smoking" after being smoke-free for eight seconds. The meat eaters have "given up eating meat" after going an entire breakfast without eating bacon. The shoe buyers have declared themselves cured of their shopping addiction after going an entire weekend without visiting the mall.

And then there are the people I really want to chuck off a cliff. The ones that declare, sometime around late November or early December, that they "don't need to wait until New Year's for my resolution. Why wait until New Year's? Those who wait until New Year's are just making excuses!! I'm starting my resolution now!! I'm not like you!! When I put my mind to something, I get it done!!"

These people quit their resolutions within 72 hours, and promptly never speak of them again.

I hate those people. And I hope you do too.

So as 2010 begins, whatever New Year's resolution you've come up with, know this:

You're not going to keep it.

And that's OK.

No one excepts you to.

Now go eat those Oreos.

I know they're calling your name.


And now for this week's:


Elton John is helping Eminem with his substance abuse problems.


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