Friday, December 25, 2009

Going To The Movies On Christmas Day: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

My family has exactly one family tradition: Every year, we go to the movies on Christmas. Since 1986, at least two members of the Barich family have sat in a dark theater on this holiday and watched a major blockbuster well as some random romantic comedy or some depressing bit of nonsense that I personally don't feel is ever a good choice when trying to have a Merry Christmas.

This is also a tradition for most Jewish families like mine. On Christmas Day, approximately 99.5% of the Jewish population can be found at the movie theaters.

As well as a Chinese restaurant. :-)

With the possible exception of Israel or a 2-for-1 sale at The Falafel Palace, you simply won't see a larger group of Jews in a single place at once than at the movie theater on Christmas Day. It's the one place on Dec. 25 where many of my people can feel a sense of belonging.

There's a few things you learn about Jewish people going to the movies on Christmas Day after you've been doing it for 23 consecutive years. In no particular order:

---The median age of your average Jew who goes to the movies on Christmas Day is 97. And every single one of them are shocked at how high movie prices are nowadays. You know how many times I heard "$10.50 for a movie ticket now? Well, personally I think that's a little high, if you want my opinion" on Christmas Day 2009? About 107 times. And every single time occurred when the person got to the front of the line. And not just the movie line. But the line to get concessions, the line to go to the bathroom, and the line to actually get into the theater. These people bitch and moan about the price from the second they get to the theater until mid-January.

---No one understands why the line for the movies is so long. "I can't believe how long this line is. I didn't think anyone would be here on Christmas Day" is something you hear over and over when you go to the movies on Jesus' birthday. The fact that the line is this long every Christmas is lost on these people. And my favorite is when a woman sends her husband to the front of the line to "find out why this line is so long." Why the hell do you think it's so long? You think they're giving away matzah to every paying customer? No. The line is long because the movie theater seconds as a Jewish social club on Christmas...just like every other Christmas in your life.

---A lot of Jews feel it's important to see a depressing movie on Christmas. This is a theory I personally don't subscribe to, but I have some thoughts as to why this is so: You see, lots of Jews secretly love Christmas. But to admit it publicly would, in their minds, be kind of a betrayal to their heritage. Thus, they aim to see a depressing tear-jerker on Christmas Day as a way of punishing themselves for having happy thoughts of Santa Claus and Christmas lights and egg nog.

Kind of like wacky religious people hitting themselves with whips after having sexual thoughts.

So now you know what it's like to go to the movies on Christmas Day. If you're a non-Jew and you one day decide to venture out to the cinema on Dec. 25...

...don't say you weren't warned as to what you'll find.


And now for this week's:


The trailer for the new Karate Kid movie just came out!!!

Jackie Chan plays Mr. Miyagi!!




Anonymous said...


Juliana said...

Very entertaining.

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Dave Thun said...

1) So what movie did you see?

2) Is Jackie Chan actually playing "Mr. Miyagi" in the new movie? If so, I find this weird for 2 reasons: A. Mr. Miyagi was Japanese. Jackie Chan is Chinese. B. Jackie Chan practices kung fu. The movie is called "The Karate Kid."
Probably I am the only person who cares about these things. :) But they confuse me.

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