Friday, December 4, 2009

The Jew Who Loved Christmas: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

Before I get into this week's blog, I wanted to say a few words about my friend Cindy's blog entitled Lab Rehab. The blog chronicles Cindy's joys and heartache (mostly joys) of fostering Labrador retrievers for Southern California Labrador Retriever Rescue. The organization helps find temporary homes for Labs, particularly older Labs, until they can find a permanent home. Many of these poor doggies suffered from abuse from their former owners, and volunteers like Cindy provide loving temporary homes and help them get adopted.

Cindy has been a member for about six months now, has already helped two Labs find homes, and is currently sharing her home with a third one, Zoe. If you or anyone you know would like to volunteer in any way to the SCLRR, go here.

Now let's talk about Jews and Christmas. :-)

All Jews loves Christmas. That's a fact. If you've met a Jewish person who acts nonchalant about Christmas, believe me when I tell you: They're putting up a brave front.

I mean, what's not to love? Christmas lights are awesome. Christmas trees rock. Egg Nog is one of the greatest drinks known to man. Christmas cookies are yummy. Santa Claus brings you gifts. And everyone gets the day off work!!

But if you're Jewish like me, you've heard the following statement from people a million times in your life:

You like Christmas?'re Jewish!!

Now let's back up just a bit.

When was it decided that Jews weren't allowed to celebrate Christmas? Why am I not allowed to sit on Santa's lap? Why is Christmas for Christians, Catholics and Protestants only?

(I'm probably missing a whole slew of people with that last statement, but you get my point)

I love Christmas. I do Christmas shopping. I wear the red hat on Christmas day. I've taken a photo with Santa, both at age 4 and age 23. I listen to Christmas songs incessantly -- in fact, I had an argument the other day about whether Christmas Canon was really a Christmas song (it is, people). And every Christmas season, I take Egg Nog, pour in some chocolate syrup, add a touch of milk, stir, and create what I call:

Nev Nog.

That's right.

Nev Nog.

Created by a disciple of Abraham.

And I'm sick and tired of being looked upon like I'm a psycho because of my association with Moses!! Christmas is for everyone, damn it!!

Here's the deal:

Jews have always been secretly jealous of Christmas. Oh sure, we have Chanukah. But the facts are: Chanukah gelt (chocolate) sucks, dreidel gets old, and even though we get eight days of gifts, most of it is schlock.

(Note: "Schlock" is Jew for "crap")

Non-Jews, meanwhile, are secretly jealous of Chanukah, because they feel like it's an extra holiday that they simply don't get to celebrate. And they're mad that several Jews are getting double the celebration.

So here's my plan to bridge the gap:

Non-Jews: Feel free to partake in potato latkes every year. Add Chanukah to your holiday regimen. There's room at the table!! Join us. We'll eat gelt.

Jews, meanwhile, should feel free to celebrate Christmas without persecution.

Because I want to listen to These Christmas Shoes this holiday season, and do so in peace.


And now for this week's:


OK, Tiger Woods is the biggest dumb ass known to man. Besides the obvious that has been occurring this week, he cheated on this woman.

I mean, dude. Seriously. What the hell? When is enough enough?

1 comment:

Dave Thun said...

Nev, I enjoy potato pancakes. And I extend a warm Gentile hand of friendship, inviting you to partake of trees, presents, and Santa without guilt.

P.S. Nev Nog sounds much milk do you suggest per glass?