(This is Part 2 of a two-part series in which I, a non-voter, give my "locks" for the presidential nominations. Last week, Rudy Giuliani got Nev's nod for the Republicans and is already preparing his party acceptance speech as a result. This week, we analyze the democratic race.)
Let me tell you something about Hillary Clinton:
The woman scares me. I mean, let's face it: She's creppy looking. She looks waxy, her eyes bug out when she smiles, and if I stare at her too long, a cold shiver comes across me and images of evil clowns creep into my mind.
Yet despite these flaws and many more (such as those ugly-ass business suits she wears, which do nothing for her), Hillary is going to win the democratic presidential nomination for one reason, and one reason only:
Bill Clinton.
You see, Bill is everything his wife is not: Good looking, warm, personable, a great talker, and he wears a suit well.
And lately, he's been barnstorming the country talking long and hard about how great it would be if his little woman became prez.
And we listen to Bill with rapt attention and hang on his every word. Why? Because we love Bill. He's a great guy. He's got that southern-charm thing going. Men feel like they can have a beer with him, and women want to have sex with him.
That's called crossover appeal, people.
People love Bill. Hillary is married to Bill. Thus, people will vote for Hillary because they're thinking about Bill.
Barack Obama? He'll make a run. He's dignified, sophisticated, intelligent, black and he has Oprah Winfrey on his side.
Barack can beat Hillary.
He just can't beat her husband.
BillHill: Nev's lock for the Dems.
(Next week: We move away from politics and back to dumb daily life. Because really, that's more fun. LOL)
--------------------
Hey, guess what? I'm trying to make a living writing blogs about the dumb things of everyday life. How am I doing this? With the help of the folks at iBizTraining.com, an online training resource that shows you how to run your own online business (Online Training, Online Business. My God, it fits!!). Find out more at www.iBiztraining.com
The best sportswriters in the world are women (I have always said this). And the best in the world is none other than my girlfriend Ramona Shelburne, sports columnist for the Los Angeles Daily News. Read more about her at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramona_Shelburne
There's a high standard in today's fashion world. And no one meets that standard better than Spooles, which provides customers with high-quality purses and other accessories that are both affordable and trendy. Get trendy!! Go to www.spooles.com
There's a cowgirl inside every woman: Elusive, passionate, untamed (I wrote that myself!!). Elusive Cowgirl caters to the free spirit within you, priding themselves on a special line of high-quality products unique on its own yet tailored to fit your everyday style. Find your inner cowgirl: Visit www.elusivecowgirl.com
The laziest man in Earth…is blogging about it. Go to www.lazyhank.com and find out more.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Political Expertise From A Non-Voter: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience
(Note: This is Part 1 of a two-part series on the Presidential debate and the idiocy of American politics in general. This week, we focus on the Republican Primary.)
I don't vote.
I don't vote because I don't think my vote matters.
I don't vote because I don't care.
And I know what most of you are going to say:
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DON'T VOTE!! WHAT IF EVERYONE THOUGHT THE SAME WAY AS YOU AND NOBODY VOTED?!? DO YOU REALIZE WHAT CHAOS WOULD ERUPT?!? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!
And you want to know what the sad part is?
People like me -- the non-voters who have no clue where a voting place is -- are the most educated when it comes to American politics.
Know why? Because we know that when all is said and done, elections always come down to the two favorites. And it's always something about those two favorites, something simple, that make us vote for them.
Take the current Presidential primaries, for example.
You've got all these candidates, some of them with some radical platforms, and the "informed voters" start spouting off the usual nonsense:
"Ron Paul could win!! He has across-the-board appeal."
"Huckabee's foreign policies have inspired me in a way I've never thought possible."
"Joe Biden is what this country needs!!"
Folks, let me break down, in 26 words, some words of wisdom about American politics that the "experts" will never admit for fear of losing their jobs:
All elections come down to the same two people that were considered the favorites from the get-go. Because people like familirity, conformity and fear change.
With that in mind, let me tell you who won't win the Republican primary:
Ron Paul. Note to folks in California who are becoming "one-time Republicans" to vote for Ron: Real republicans are never going to give a victory to a Republican who appeals so strongly to liberals. It's just not kosher.
John McCain. He looks too old.
Mitt Romney: First of all, his name is Mitt. Second, people in Massachusetts -- where Mitt is Governor, for Christ's sake -- don't like Mitt. And if you're not liked in your own governed state, you won't win nationwide appeal.
So it's time to skip over this bullshit primary and let you know who is going to win the Republican nomination in a walk.
Rudy Giuliani.
For one simple reason:
9-11.
9-11 is still fresh in everyone's minds. And if you don't think so, let me give you some buzz words:
TERRORISM!!!
WAR ON TERROR!!!
TERRORISTS AT OUR BORDERS!!!
You hear that every day. And 9-11 is the reason for it.
And Giuliani, who was awesome in the aftermath of 9-11, will play that up for all it's worth.
And you know what? We'll take the bait, take it hook, line and sinker.
Because American voters are puppets.
And puppets dance.
I'm not a puppet.
Because I don't know where my voting place is.
:-)
(Next week: Will 9-11 Rudy face a woman or a black man? Non-voter Nev breaks down the Democrats.)
------------------
Hey, guess what? I'm trying to make a living writing blogs about the dumb things of everyday life. How am I doing this? With the help of the folks at iBizTraining.com, an online training resource that shows you how to run your own online business (Online Training, Online Business. My God, it fits!!). Find out more at www.iBiztraining.com
The best sportswriters in the world are women (I have always said this). And the best in the world is none other than my girlfriend Ramona Shelburne, sports columnist for the Los Angeles Daily News. Read more about her at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramona_Shelburne
There's a high standard in today's fashion world. And no one meets that standard better than Spooles, which provides customers with high-quality purses and other accessories that are both affordable and trendy. Get trendy!! Go to www.spooles.com
There's a cowgirl inside every woman: Elusive, passionate, untamed (I wrote that myself!!). Elusive Cowgirl caters to the free spirit within you, priding themselves on a special line of high-quality products unique on its own yet tailored to fit your everyday style. Find your inner cowgirl: Visit www.elusivecowgirl.com
The laziest man in Earth…is blogging about it. Go to www.lazyhank.com and find out more.
I don't vote.
I don't vote because I don't think my vote matters.
I don't vote because I don't care.
And I know what most of you are going to say:
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DON'T VOTE!! WHAT IF EVERYONE THOUGHT THE SAME WAY AS YOU AND NOBODY VOTED?!? DO YOU REALIZE WHAT CHAOS WOULD ERUPT?!? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!
And you want to know what the sad part is?
People like me -- the non-voters who have no clue where a voting place is -- are the most educated when it comes to American politics.
Know why? Because we know that when all is said and done, elections always come down to the two favorites. And it's always something about those two favorites, something simple, that make us vote for them.
Take the current Presidential primaries, for example.
You've got all these candidates, some of them with some radical platforms, and the "informed voters" start spouting off the usual nonsense:
"Ron Paul could win!! He has across-the-board appeal."
"Huckabee's foreign policies have inspired me in a way I've never thought possible."
"Joe Biden is what this country needs!!"
Folks, let me break down, in 26 words, some words of wisdom about American politics that the "experts" will never admit for fear of losing their jobs:
All elections come down to the same two people that were considered the favorites from the get-go. Because people like familirity, conformity and fear change.
With that in mind, let me tell you who won't win the Republican primary:
Ron Paul. Note to folks in California who are becoming "one-time Republicans" to vote for Ron: Real republicans are never going to give a victory to a Republican who appeals so strongly to liberals. It's just not kosher.
John McCain. He looks too old.
Mitt Romney: First of all, his name is Mitt. Second, people in Massachusetts -- where Mitt is Governor, for Christ's sake -- don't like Mitt. And if you're not liked in your own governed state, you won't win nationwide appeal.
So it's time to skip over this bullshit primary and let you know who is going to win the Republican nomination in a walk.
Rudy Giuliani.
For one simple reason:
9-11.
9-11 is still fresh in everyone's minds. And if you don't think so, let me give you some buzz words:
TERRORISM!!!
WAR ON TERROR!!!
TERRORISTS AT OUR BORDERS!!!
You hear that every day. And 9-11 is the reason for it.
And Giuliani, who was awesome in the aftermath of 9-11, will play that up for all it's worth.
And you know what? We'll take the bait, take it hook, line and sinker.
Because American voters are puppets.
And puppets dance.
I'm not a puppet.
Because I don't know where my voting place is.
:-)
(Next week: Will 9-11 Rudy face a woman or a black man? Non-voter Nev breaks down the Democrats.)
------------------
Hey, guess what? I'm trying to make a living writing blogs about the dumb things of everyday life. How am I doing this? With the help of the folks at iBizTraining.com, an online training resource that shows you how to run your own online business (Online Training, Online Business. My God, it fits!!). Find out more at www.iBiztraining.com
The best sportswriters in the world are women (I have always said this). And the best in the world is none other than my girlfriend Ramona Shelburne, sports columnist for the Los Angeles Daily News. Read more about her at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramona_Shelburne
There's a high standard in today's fashion world. And no one meets that standard better than Spooles, which provides customers with high-quality purses and other accessories that are both affordable and trendy. Get trendy!! Go to www.spooles.com
There's a cowgirl inside every woman: Elusive, passionate, untamed (I wrote that myself!!). Elusive Cowgirl caters to the free spirit within you, priding themselves on a special line of high-quality products unique on its own yet tailored to fit your everyday style. Find your inner cowgirl: Visit www.elusivecowgirl.com
The laziest man in Earth…is blogging about it. Go to www.lazyhank.com and find out more.
A Take On Today's Movie Industry (It Sucks): A Nevin Barich Blog Experience
Movies today are terrible. Oh sure, every once in a while the industry gets something right, such as "Rocky Balboa" and "Rambo IV" (thank you, Sly!!). But all in all, major motion pictures today are crap.
And you want to know why? Because somewhere along the line, someone got it their head that movies had to have a message. Suddenly, movies weren't about mindless entertainment. They were about educating us, teaching us something, making us think.
So out went the Lethal Weapons, funny sports movies with bad language, and martial arts films with nothing but fight scenes, cheesy dialogue and half-naked women. In their place were "political thrillers" and "gripping documentaries" and "independent films about traveling to India and finding yourself."
Well, you know what? I don't want to play $10 (well, $8.75 since I kept my student ID from college) to learn something. I don't want to think. I want to be amused, entertained, given a two-hour escape from my daily life. And every time I watch a "Syriana" (a boring fuckin' film about oil), "March of the Penguins" (a boring fuckin' documentary about penguins walking in the snow) or "The Namesake" (a boring fuckin' movie about a boy who was born in America but whose family was from India, and who doesn't give two shits about it until his father dies, and then all of a sudden he decides "I'm Indian, and that means something" and then shaves his head) I want to puke.
With that in mind, recently I shuttled back and forth between two classics of American cinema that personify the greatness that movies used to be:
1) "The Wizard", a 1989 film about a traumatized 8-year-old boy named Jimmy who hardly speaks and never smiles, but has a knack for video games. Now, with the help of his 11-year-old brother (I don't know his name, but he's played by Fred Savage -- of "Wonder Years" fame -- so we'll call him Fred) and some 11-year-old redheaded girl named Haley, Jimmy is bound for the video game championships at Universal Studios Hollywood, where he'll compete for a $50,000 prize.
2) "Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back," where Luke Skywalker and the Rebellion continue their fight against Darth Vader and the Empire.
I now take you to the ending of both films, my trusty remote in hand, starting with "The Wizard":
(click)
Jimmy, Fred and Haley make it the Championships just in time, with Ninja Gaiden (where you're a ninja whose goal is to defeat...well, bad guys) the game that contestants will be playing in the preliminary rounds. Also in the competition is Jimmy's rival, 11-year-old Lucas, whom Jimmy refused to battle in an earlier run-in. Can Jimmy, who hardly speaks and never smiles, look deep enough within himself to beat his rival and win it all?
(click)
I love Darth Vader!! The man just personifies kick-ass evil. He and Luke are about to fight. Darth is just toying with him; he's not even holding his lightsaber with both hands as he easily blocks Luke's pathetic attack. You half-expect Darth to shout, "Is that all you got, you punk-ass bitch?" It's that cool.
(click)
Jimmy, who hardly speaks and never smiles, got through the preliminary round and will face two other competitors in the finals: A girl named Mora, who has glasses and pigtails; and Lucas, the aformentioned rival. The three will find out in 15 minutes which game they'll play to determine the $50,000 winner.
(click)
Darth pushes Luke down a shaft, but Luke jumps out before Darth can close it up. Luke goes on the offensive now and manages to knock Darth down some stairs. C'mon, Vader, defense!!
(click)
HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT: The three video game finalists will play a game that's never been played before. This causes the redheaded Haley to hysterically scream, "YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT A NEW GAME!!!" And that new game is:
SUPER MARIO BROTHERS 3!!!!!!!!!
(note: I know that means nothing to several of you, but believe me: In 1989 in the video game world, this was truly a "HOLY SHIT!!" moment)
(click)
Good news: Darth is mad. You can see it in his...um...mask. Anyways, Darth starts using the Force to toss boxes at Luke, and the strategy is working. Luke takes a few boxes on the back and falls; he's now hanging by a thread off a ledge.
(click)
Jimmy, who hardly speaks and never smiles, takes an early lead. This causes older brother Fred to shout, "C'mon Jimmy!! Score!! Score!! Score!! SCOREEEE!!! I check to make sure that this movie is indeed rated PG.
(click)
OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Darth chops off Luke's arm!! That's gotta hurt. The end is near, I think.
(click)
Oh no!! Jimmy, who hardly speaks and never smiles, is struggling on World 2 and is now falling behind. Rival Lucas has a smug smile on his face as he easily handles World 2, and even nerdy-girl Mora has overtaken Jimmy. Fred and Haley look worried. Jimmy is expressionless, as is his way.
(click)
Darth and Luke start talking about family.
Darth: Luke, I am your father.
Luke screams. I guess he didn't see that coming.
(click)
Good news!! Jimmy, who hardly speaks and never smiles, is starting to make his push. He's beaten World 2 and is slowly but surely catching up as Lucas and Mora start to struggle.
(click)
Darth makes Luke an offer:
Darth: "Join me, and we'll rule the galaxy as father and son."
I think Luke will take the deal. It's the smart thing to do.
(click)
Mora is fading fast. She just died in the game and the crowd booed. They actually booed!! Video game fans are fickle, you see.
(click)
Stupid Luke. Rather than accept Dad's generous offer, he lets go of the ledge and starts falling to oblivion. But by sheer dumb luck, he lands in a shaft and rides it to safety. Punk bastard.
(click)
Jimmy, who hardly speaks and never smiles, has found the magic flute. This prompts Haley to shout the following:
"USE THE MAGIC FLUTE TO GET TO THE WARP ZONE!!!!!!"
Gotta love 80s movies.
(click)
Darth goes back to his ship, pushing his men aside. He's mad. I sense another movie coming.
(click)
Jimmy uses the magic flute, warps to World 4, and that gives him enough points to overtake rival Lucas and win the championship!! But they leave before they get the $50,000. It's not about the money, apparently.
EPILOGUE
The Wizard: As Jimmy, Fred and Haley drive away, Jimmy -- who hardly speaks and never smiles -- starts pointing out the window and saying: "California!! California!!" He's been in the state 10 hours and has just now realized it.
He then smiled.
Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back: Both Darth and Luke know that they will face each other again. And in the third movie, they do. Luke wins. Personally, I think he was juicin'. But that's just my opinion.
Personally, I would rather watch movies like this than a documentary in which Al Gore tells us we're all gonna die.
Plus, my kind of movies lend themselves to sequels.
As for sequels with Al?
"A Really Inconveninent Truth."
See? It just doesn't work.
------------------------
Hey, guess what? I'm trying to make a living writing blogs about the dumb things of everyday life. How am I doing this? With the help of the folks at iBizTraining.com, an online training resource that shows you how to run your own online business (Online Training, Online Business. My God, it fits!!). Find out more at www.iBiztraining.com
The best sportswriters in the world are women (I have always said this). And the best in the world is none other than my girlfriend Ramona Shelburne, sports columnist for the Los Angeles Daily News. Read more about her at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramona_Shelburne
There's a high standard in today's fashion world. And no one meets that standard better than Spooles, which provides customers with high-quality purses and other accessories that are both affordable and trendy. Get trendy!! Go to www.spooles.com
There's a cowgirl inside every woman: Elusive, passionate, untamed (I wrote that myself!!). Elusive Cowgirl caters to the free spirit within you, priding themselves on a special line of high-quality products unique on its own yet tailored to fit your everyday style. Find your inner cowgirl: Visit www.elusivecowgirl.com
The laziest man in Earth…is blogging about it. Go to www.lazyhank.com and find out more.
And you want to know why? Because somewhere along the line, someone got it their head that movies had to have a message. Suddenly, movies weren't about mindless entertainment. They were about educating us, teaching us something, making us think.
So out went the Lethal Weapons, funny sports movies with bad language, and martial arts films with nothing but fight scenes, cheesy dialogue and half-naked women. In their place were "political thrillers" and "gripping documentaries" and "independent films about traveling to India and finding yourself."
Well, you know what? I don't want to play $10 (well, $8.75 since I kept my student ID from college) to learn something. I don't want to think. I want to be amused, entertained, given a two-hour escape from my daily life. And every time I watch a "Syriana" (a boring fuckin' film about oil), "March of the Penguins" (a boring fuckin' documentary about penguins walking in the snow) or "The Namesake" (a boring fuckin' movie about a boy who was born in America but whose family was from India, and who doesn't give two shits about it until his father dies, and then all of a sudden he decides "I'm Indian, and that means something" and then shaves his head) I want to puke.
With that in mind, recently I shuttled back and forth between two classics of American cinema that personify the greatness that movies used to be:
1) "The Wizard", a 1989 film about a traumatized 8-year-old boy named Jimmy who hardly speaks and never smiles, but has a knack for video games. Now, with the help of his 11-year-old brother (I don't know his name, but he's played by Fred Savage -- of "Wonder Years" fame -- so we'll call him Fred) and some 11-year-old redheaded girl named Haley, Jimmy is bound for the video game championships at Universal Studios Hollywood, where he'll compete for a $50,000 prize.
2) "Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back," where Luke Skywalker and the Rebellion continue their fight against Darth Vader and the Empire.
I now take you to the ending of both films, my trusty remote in hand, starting with "The Wizard":
(click)
Jimmy, Fred and Haley make it the Championships just in time, with Ninja Gaiden (where you're a ninja whose goal is to defeat...well, bad guys) the game that contestants will be playing in the preliminary rounds. Also in the competition is Jimmy's rival, 11-year-old Lucas, whom Jimmy refused to battle in an earlier run-in. Can Jimmy, who hardly speaks and never smiles, look deep enough within himself to beat his rival and win it all?
(click)
I love Darth Vader!! The man just personifies kick-ass evil. He and Luke are about to fight. Darth is just toying with him; he's not even holding his lightsaber with both hands as he easily blocks Luke's pathetic attack. You half-expect Darth to shout, "Is that all you got, you punk-ass bitch?" It's that cool.
(click)
Jimmy, who hardly speaks and never smiles, got through the preliminary round and will face two other competitors in the finals: A girl named Mora, who has glasses and pigtails; and Lucas, the aformentioned rival. The three will find out in 15 minutes which game they'll play to determine the $50,000 winner.
(click)
Darth pushes Luke down a shaft, but Luke jumps out before Darth can close it up. Luke goes on the offensive now and manages to knock Darth down some stairs. C'mon, Vader, defense!!
(click)
HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT: The three video game finalists will play a game that's never been played before. This causes the redheaded Haley to hysterically scream, "YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT A NEW GAME!!!" And that new game is:
SUPER MARIO BROTHERS 3!!!!!!!!!
(note: I know that means nothing to several of you, but believe me: In 1989 in the video game world, this was truly a "HOLY SHIT!!" moment)
(click)
Good news: Darth is mad. You can see it in his...um...mask. Anyways, Darth starts using the Force to toss boxes at Luke, and the strategy is working. Luke takes a few boxes on the back and falls; he's now hanging by a thread off a ledge.
(click)
Jimmy, who hardly speaks and never smiles, takes an early lead. This causes older brother Fred to shout, "C'mon Jimmy!! Score!! Score!! Score!! SCOREEEE!!! I check to make sure that this movie is indeed rated PG.
(click)
OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Darth chops off Luke's arm!! That's gotta hurt. The end is near, I think.
(click)
Oh no!! Jimmy, who hardly speaks and never smiles, is struggling on World 2 and is now falling behind. Rival Lucas has a smug smile on his face as he easily handles World 2, and even nerdy-girl Mora has overtaken Jimmy. Fred and Haley look worried. Jimmy is expressionless, as is his way.
(click)
Darth and Luke start talking about family.
Darth: Luke, I am your father.
Luke screams. I guess he didn't see that coming.
(click)
Good news!! Jimmy, who hardly speaks and never smiles, is starting to make his push. He's beaten World 2 and is slowly but surely catching up as Lucas and Mora start to struggle.
(click)
Darth makes Luke an offer:
Darth: "Join me, and we'll rule the galaxy as father and son."
I think Luke will take the deal. It's the smart thing to do.
(click)
Mora is fading fast. She just died in the game and the crowd booed. They actually booed!! Video game fans are fickle, you see.
(click)
Stupid Luke. Rather than accept Dad's generous offer, he lets go of the ledge and starts falling to oblivion. But by sheer dumb luck, he lands in a shaft and rides it to safety. Punk bastard.
(click)
Jimmy, who hardly speaks and never smiles, has found the magic flute. This prompts Haley to shout the following:
"USE THE MAGIC FLUTE TO GET TO THE WARP ZONE!!!!!!"
Gotta love 80s movies.
(click)
Darth goes back to his ship, pushing his men aside. He's mad. I sense another movie coming.
(click)
Jimmy uses the magic flute, warps to World 4, and that gives him enough points to overtake rival Lucas and win the championship!! But they leave before they get the $50,000. It's not about the money, apparently.
EPILOGUE
The Wizard: As Jimmy, Fred and Haley drive away, Jimmy -- who hardly speaks and never smiles -- starts pointing out the window and saying: "California!! California!!" He's been in the state 10 hours and has just now realized it.
He then smiled.
Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back: Both Darth and Luke know that they will face each other again. And in the third movie, they do. Luke wins. Personally, I think he was juicin'. But that's just my opinion.
Personally, I would rather watch movies like this than a documentary in which Al Gore tells us we're all gonna die.
Plus, my kind of movies lend themselves to sequels.
As for sequels with Al?
"A Really Inconveninent Truth."
See? It just doesn't work.
------------------------
Hey, guess what? I'm trying to make a living writing blogs about the dumb things of everyday life. How am I doing this? With the help of the folks at iBizTraining.com, an online training resource that shows you how to run your own online business (Online Training, Online Business. My God, it fits!!). Find out more at www.iBiztraining.com
The best sportswriters in the world are women (I have always said this). And the best in the world is none other than my girlfriend Ramona Shelburne, sports columnist for the Los Angeles Daily News. Read more about her at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramona_Shelburne
There's a high standard in today's fashion world. And no one meets that standard better than Spooles, which provides customers with high-quality purses and other accessories that are both affordable and trendy. Get trendy!! Go to www.spooles.com
There's a cowgirl inside every woman: Elusive, passionate, untamed (I wrote that myself!!). Elusive Cowgirl caters to the free spirit within you, priding themselves on a special line of high-quality products unique on its own yet tailored to fit your everyday style. Find your inner cowgirl: Visit www.elusivecowgirl.com
The laziest man in Earth…is blogging about it. Go to www.lazyhank.com and find out more.
New Year's: Stupid And Dumb (You Heard Me!!): A Nevin Barich Blog Experience
I hate New Year's.
There. I said it.
I'm sorry, but New Year's to me is the stupidest holiday imaginable, even dumber than "Bastille Day." (stupid French) I mean honestly, what is the big deal about another month ending, us moving into JANUARY and the number of the year changing? "Oh my God, we now get to write 08 when we date our checks instead of 07. Let's celebrate by watching a ball drop!!!"
Here are three problems with New Years:
----------------------
Crowds.
Every place you go on New Year's is crowded. No matter where you go, whether it be a bar, restaurant, park or Citywalk, you will be greeted with 80,000 of your closest societal lunatics.
Now, I like to be around people. But I also like space. And walking room. And air. These are three things that are always in short supply when going somewhere on New Year's.
-----------------------
Prices.
How many of you are going to Vegas over New Year's? Geez, you must have serious bucks!! Can I get a loan?
On New Year's, prices are jacked!! $10 meals go for $30. $75 hotel rooms go for $350. Cover charges for bars and clubs go in the triple digits. All so we can scream "HAPPY NEW YEAR" at midnight.
I don't know about the rest of you, but I've got bills. I've got to pay for rent, electricity, Internet service so I can write these blogs. I do not have the money to spend exorbitant prices...
(writer's note: The word of the day is...exorbitant. Look it up. Expand your vocabulary)
...going to stupid places with stupid people and stupid noise. No thank you.
---------------------
Resolutions
I was talking to my friend Shandon yesterday and we were discussing how people always make resolutions to start the New Year.
"Why do people wait until the New Year to start these things?" Shandon said. "Why wait? Will it mean more to start in January?"
This is an excellent point. Why do we always say "I'm going to (fill in the blank) in the New Year?" If it means that much to you, why don't you start that new thing when you first think of it, rather than wait until January?
Do yourself a favor: If during a month in 2008 other than January, you come up with something you want to do or think would be good for you, don't wait until January 2009 to start it. Waiting until the New Year won't make it easier, better or more satisfying. Be proactive!! Start your 2009 resolutions in April '08. Be a trend-setter and impress your friends.
-------------------
This year, with my girlfriend out of the country visiting family, I will be spending a low-key New Year's with my mom and sis.
Sound a little boring?
It's better than what I did last year.
I strained my back playing Blackjack at an Indian Casino.
Then, because I couldn't move well, I sat at a bar table watching a bunch of women's purses while they went off dancing.
And four different people asked me if I was selling pot.
Which they called "cronic."
And, because I was the designated driver, I drank water.
(the water, normally free, cost $1.95)
------------------------
Hey, guess what? I'm trying to make a living writing blogs about the dumb things of everyday life. How am I doing this? With the help of the folks at iBizTraining.com, an online training resource that shows you how to run your own online business (Online Training, Online Business. My God, it fits!!). Find out more at www.iBiztraining.com
The best sportswriters in the world are women (I have always said this). And the best in the world is none other than my girlfriend Ramona Shelburne, sports columnist for the Los Angeles Daily News. Read more about her at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramona_Shelburne
There's a high standard in today's fashion world. And no one meets that standard better than Spooles, which provides customers with high-quality purses and other accessories that are both affordable and trendy. Get trendy!! Go to www.spooles.com
There's a cowgirl inside every woman: Elusive, passionate, untamed (I wrote that myself!!). Elusive Cowgirl caters to the free spirit within you, priding themselves on a special line of high-quality products unique on its own yet tailored to fit your everyday style. Find your inner cowgirl: Visit www.elusivecowgirl.com
The laziest man in Earth…is blogging about it. Go to www.lazyhank.com and find out more.
There. I said it.
I'm sorry, but New Year's to me is the stupidest holiday imaginable, even dumber than "Bastille Day." (stupid French) I mean honestly, what is the big deal about another month ending, us moving into JANUARY and the number of the year changing? "Oh my God, we now get to write 08 when we date our checks instead of 07. Let's celebrate by watching a ball drop!!!"
Here are three problems with New Years:
----------------------
Crowds.
Every place you go on New Year's is crowded. No matter where you go, whether it be a bar, restaurant, park or Citywalk, you will be greeted with 80,000 of your closest societal lunatics.
Now, I like to be around people. But I also like space. And walking room. And air. These are three things that are always in short supply when going somewhere on New Year's.
-----------------------
Prices.
How many of you are going to Vegas over New Year's? Geez, you must have serious bucks!! Can I get a loan?
On New Year's, prices are jacked!! $10 meals go for $30. $75 hotel rooms go for $350. Cover charges for bars and clubs go in the triple digits. All so we can scream "HAPPY NEW YEAR" at midnight.
I don't know about the rest of you, but I've got bills. I've got to pay for rent, electricity, Internet service so I can write these blogs. I do not have the money to spend exorbitant prices...
(writer's note: The word of the day is...exorbitant. Look it up. Expand your vocabulary)
...going to stupid places with stupid people and stupid noise. No thank you.
---------------------
Resolutions
I was talking to my friend Shandon yesterday and we were discussing how people always make resolutions to start the New Year.
"Why do people wait until the New Year to start these things?" Shandon said. "Why wait? Will it mean more to start in January?"
This is an excellent point. Why do we always say "I'm going to (fill in the blank) in the New Year?" If it means that much to you, why don't you start that new thing when you first think of it, rather than wait until January?
Do yourself a favor: If during a month in 2008 other than January, you come up with something you want to do or think would be good for you, don't wait until January 2009 to start it. Waiting until the New Year won't make it easier, better or more satisfying. Be proactive!! Start your 2009 resolutions in April '08. Be a trend-setter and impress your friends.
-------------------
This year, with my girlfriend out of the country visiting family, I will be spending a low-key New Year's with my mom and sis.
Sound a little boring?
It's better than what I did last year.
I strained my back playing Blackjack at an Indian Casino.
Then, because I couldn't move well, I sat at a bar table watching a bunch of women's purses while they went off dancing.
And four different people asked me if I was selling pot.
Which they called "cronic."
And, because I was the designated driver, I drank water.
(the water, normally free, cost $1.95)
------------------------
Hey, guess what? I'm trying to make a living writing blogs about the dumb things of everyday life. How am I doing this? With the help of the folks at iBizTraining.com, an online training resource that shows you how to run your own online business (Online Training, Online Business. My God, it fits!!). Find out more at www.iBiztraining.com
The best sportswriters in the world are women (I have always said this). And the best in the world is none other than my girlfriend Ramona Shelburne, sports columnist for the Los Angeles Daily News. Read more about her at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramona_Shelburne
There's a high standard in today's fashion world. And no one meets that standard better than Spooles, which provides customers with high-quality purses and other accessories that are both affordable and trendy. Get trendy!! Go to www.spooles.com
There's a cowgirl inside every woman: Elusive, passionate, untamed (I wrote that myself!!). Elusive Cowgirl caters to the free spirit within you, priding themselves on a special line of high-quality products unique on its own yet tailored to fit your everyday style. Find your inner cowgirl: Visit www.elusivecowgirl.com
The laziest man in Earth…is blogging about it. Go to www.lazyhank.com and find out more.
Christmas With Nev: A Nevin Barich Holiday Blog Special
Having a Jewish mother and a Catholic father, my girlfriend Ramona and her family celebrate both Chanukah and Christmas. This weekend, I spent a lot of time with them in the days before Santa arrives to give us our multitude of presents. Growing up in a quasi-Jewish home (where, though the Jewish holidays weren't exactly celebrated in excess, there was no Christmas stuff to be found at all), spending time with Christmas folk is always eventful for me. Observe:
--------------------------------
OK, I will never understand the seedy culture that lurks behind the "happy" tradition of hanging ornaments on the Christmas tree. I mean, it's vicious!! If any ornament says "Ramona," only Ramona can put them on. If any ornament says "Marshall," (Ramona's brother) only Marshall can put them on. So all that's left for me to put on are stuffed bears and your generic colored balls, which I can't for the life of me hang without breaking at least a half a branch.
And then comes the hanging of the star on the top of the tree. Now to me, the father should always be the one to do this job because a) he bought the damn tree; b) he brought it into the house (which is no easy task, I might add); and c) HE BOUGHT THE DAMN TREE!!!"
But every year, at least one person (usually under the age of 8) wants to have a go at this task. And rather than sit that person down and say, "No, that's a job that Dad/Uncle/Grandpa gets to do," we humor the little rugrat, put them on MY SHOULDERS (because despite being just 5-11 -- and if we're being honest, it's a "listed" 5-11. I'm closer to 5-10 -- everyone else is short) and fail to get the star on. Why? Because the little kid couldn't get it done!! Oh sure, we say it's because the kid's arms were too short. But we know better: It's because he/she couldn't handle the pressure!!
Then the dad grabs a chair or step ladder, goes up and puts the star on. But you know what? By that time, the moment has passed.
---------------------
So some of Ramona's relatives from Oregon were in town, among them 7-year-old Cora, a very intelligent girl for her age. Anyways, Cora and I engaged in the card game Uno (which I'm sure many of us remember from our early years).
As we begin, Cora mentions to me how she beats her mommy and daddy all the time. However, Cora was about to learn that life beyond the homefront isn't always easy.
First game: I immediately play all my yellows, force Cora to grab 8 cards when she has no reds, and end the game with a blue card she never saw coming. Game time: 3 minutes.
"Welcome to California, sweetheart," I tell her, giving her a little wink."
Cora looks a little shaken, realizing that her world of "Happy happy times where she always wins and pixie dust is abundant" isn't as rosy as she seems. Nonetheless, she gets herself together and we play again.
I beat her in a minute and a half.
Cora looks confused.
"But...I always beat Mommy and Daddy," she says.
"Well," I replied, "MOMMY AND DADDY AREN'T HERE!! I'M HERE!! THIS IS THE REAL WORLD, BABY!! AND IN THE REAL WORLD, LIFE CAN KICK YOUR ASS!!!
She then started to cry.
The Uno Circuit: Not for the faint of heart.
-----------------------------
I also got to spend some time with Ramona's 18-month-old cousin Ayala. Now this kid is amazing. In a span of 17 seconds, she asked for cookies, carrots, to be held, thrown into the air, for her dad to play guitar, and for me to crack my knuckles because she liked the sound.
"Anything else we can do for you?" I asked.
"Water,"she said.
She'll probably want me to dab her forehead as she drinks.
----------------------------
Speaking of Ayala, she kept asking me to read her this book about piglets. But every time I started to read, we never got past page 3 (where the pigs are making snuffling sounds) before she'd wander off to do something else. Then, when she'd hand me the book to read again, I would try to start where I left off. But she always made me turn back to the beginning. It was a vicious, vicious cycle.
Finally, when she handed me the book yet again, I said enough.
"No Ayala," I declared. "If I am going to take the time to read you this book on piglets, then you in turn must have the respect and decency to listen as I read to you. Because my time is very valuable, and when you wander off, that mean's you're not respecting my time or me in general. So if I read to you, you must listen. Now certainly, if you have any questions during the course of the reading, you may ask and I will do my best to answer them. But that's the deal. Do we have an accord?"
She stared at me awhile.
Then she waddled to the couch.
Then she waddled back to me.
And handed me a book on chickens.
Naturally, I began to read.
Naturally, she wandered off after Page 3.
Now we'll never know what happened after the baby chicks ate their seeds.
You know what? It's her loss.
----------------------
Hey, guess what? I'm trying to make a living writing blogs about the dumb things of everyday life. How am I doing this? With the help of the folks at iBizTraining.com, an online training resource that shows you how to run your own online business (Online Training, Online Business. My God, it fits!!). Find out more at www.iBiztraining.com
The best sportswriters in the world are women (I have always said this). And the best in the world is none other than my girlfriend Ramona Shelburne, sports columnist for the Los Angeles Daily News. Read more about her at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramona_Shelburne
There's a high standard in today's fashion world. And no one meets that standard better than Spooles, which provides customers with high-quality purses and other accessories that are both affordable and trendy. Get trendy!! Go to www.spooles.com
There's a cowgirl inside every woman: Elusive, passionate, untamed (I wrote that myself!!). Elusive Cowgirl caters to the free spirit within you, priding themselves on a special line of high-quality products unique on its own yet tailored to fit your everyday style. Find your inner cowgirl: Visit www.elusivecowgirl.com
The laziest man in Earth…is blogging about it. Go to www.lazyhank.com and find out more.
--------------------------------
OK, I will never understand the seedy culture that lurks behind the "happy" tradition of hanging ornaments on the Christmas tree. I mean, it's vicious!! If any ornament says "Ramona," only Ramona can put them on. If any ornament says "Marshall," (Ramona's brother) only Marshall can put them on. So all that's left for me to put on are stuffed bears and your generic colored balls, which I can't for the life of me hang without breaking at least a half a branch.
And then comes the hanging of the star on the top of the tree. Now to me, the father should always be the one to do this job because a) he bought the damn tree; b) he brought it into the house (which is no easy task, I might add); and c) HE BOUGHT THE DAMN TREE!!!"
But every year, at least one person (usually under the age of 8) wants to have a go at this task. And rather than sit that person down and say, "No, that's a job that Dad/Uncle/Grandpa gets to do," we humor the little rugrat, put them on MY SHOULDERS (because despite being just 5-11 -- and if we're being honest, it's a "listed" 5-11. I'm closer to 5-10 -- everyone else is short) and fail to get the star on. Why? Because the little kid couldn't get it done!! Oh sure, we say it's because the kid's arms were too short. But we know better: It's because he/she couldn't handle the pressure!!
Then the dad grabs a chair or step ladder, goes up and puts the star on. But you know what? By that time, the moment has passed.
---------------------
So some of Ramona's relatives from Oregon were in town, among them 7-year-old Cora, a very intelligent girl for her age. Anyways, Cora and I engaged in the card game Uno (which I'm sure many of us remember from our early years).
As we begin, Cora mentions to me how she beats her mommy and daddy all the time. However, Cora was about to learn that life beyond the homefront isn't always easy.
First game: I immediately play all my yellows, force Cora to grab 8 cards when she has no reds, and end the game with a blue card she never saw coming. Game time: 3 minutes.
"Welcome to California, sweetheart," I tell her, giving her a little wink."
Cora looks a little shaken, realizing that her world of "Happy happy times where she always wins and pixie dust is abundant" isn't as rosy as she seems. Nonetheless, she gets herself together and we play again.
I beat her in a minute and a half.
Cora looks confused.
"But...I always beat Mommy and Daddy," she says.
"Well," I replied, "MOMMY AND DADDY AREN'T HERE!! I'M HERE!! THIS IS THE REAL WORLD, BABY!! AND IN THE REAL WORLD, LIFE CAN KICK YOUR ASS!!!
She then started to cry.
The Uno Circuit: Not for the faint of heart.
-----------------------------
I also got to spend some time with Ramona's 18-month-old cousin Ayala. Now this kid is amazing. In a span of 17 seconds, she asked for cookies, carrots, to be held, thrown into the air, for her dad to play guitar, and for me to crack my knuckles because she liked the sound.
"Anything else we can do for you?" I asked.
"Water,"she said.
She'll probably want me to dab her forehead as she drinks.
----------------------------
Speaking of Ayala, she kept asking me to read her this book about piglets. But every time I started to read, we never got past page 3 (where the pigs are making snuffling sounds) before she'd wander off to do something else. Then, when she'd hand me the book to read again, I would try to start where I left off. But she always made me turn back to the beginning. It was a vicious, vicious cycle.
Finally, when she handed me the book yet again, I said enough.
"No Ayala," I declared. "If I am going to take the time to read you this book on piglets, then you in turn must have the respect and decency to listen as I read to you. Because my time is very valuable, and when you wander off, that mean's you're not respecting my time or me in general. So if I read to you, you must listen. Now certainly, if you have any questions during the course of the reading, you may ask and I will do my best to answer them. But that's the deal. Do we have an accord?"
She stared at me awhile.
Then she waddled to the couch.
Then she waddled back to me.
And handed me a book on chickens.
Naturally, I began to read.
Naturally, she wandered off after Page 3.
Now we'll never know what happened after the baby chicks ate their seeds.
You know what? It's her loss.
----------------------
Hey, guess what? I'm trying to make a living writing blogs about the dumb things of everyday life. How am I doing this? With the help of the folks at iBizTraining.com, an online training resource that shows you how to run your own online business (Online Training, Online Business. My God, it fits!!). Find out more at www.iBiztraining.com
The best sportswriters in the world are women (I have always said this). And the best in the world is none other than my girlfriend Ramona Shelburne, sports columnist for the Los Angeles Daily News. Read more about her at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramona_Shelburne
There's a high standard in today's fashion world. And no one meets that standard better than Spooles, which provides customers with high-quality purses and other accessories that are both affordable and trendy. Get trendy!! Go to www.spooles.com
There's a cowgirl inside every woman: Elusive, passionate, untamed (I wrote that myself!!). Elusive Cowgirl caters to the free spirit within you, priding themselves on a special line of high-quality products unique on its own yet tailored to fit your everyday style. Find your inner cowgirl: Visit www.elusivecowgirl.com
The laziest man in Earth…is blogging about it. Go to www.lazyhank.com and find out more.
If You Ever Go To Italy, Here's What You Need To Know: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience
For those of you who don't know, I am part Italian. Last summer, I visited the country of my heritage for the first time, spending time in Bellagio, Tuscany and Rome with my girlfriend and her family. It was truly an awesome cultural and personal experience, and I would love to go back one day.
Still though, there were certain things about this country that were just odd, and reminded you that this was indeed a world away from the good ol' US of A. Observe:
-----------------------
In some of the more commercial establishments...
(i.e., a McDonalds; and just so you know, food snobs, I just used the restroom there. Despite my well-known love of fast food, I didn't do a "ghastly" act and eat there rather than enjoy Italy's cuisine.)
...female bathroom attendants think nothing of cleaning the urinals while plenty of men still reside inside.
And apparently, the men think nothing of it either as none of them seemed shocked while this was going on.
Still, I kindly waited till she left.
------------------
Hot and cold water knobs are difficult to navigate in Italy. "E" means cold, "C" means hot, but the "C" doesn't get hot right away. It takes a while for the water to get hot, so you're not sure if you're actually turning the "cold" knob.
Total shower time (on average): 7 minutes for shower, 123 minutes to get water temperature right.
-------------------------
No salt-and-pepper shakers on the table. Not that you need them, but those who enjoy ground pepper in their salads are out of luck here.
-------------------------
And finally, let's bust the "ice" myth. I don't why everyone thinks ice is nonexistent in Italy. All you have to do is ask. Seriously, that's it. When you order your coca cola (be sure to say "coca cola" as half the time you get a vacant stare when you say "coke") ask them for ice as well. Not only will they bring you a fine quantity of ice, but often -- just so you don't bother them with the "ice" question ever again -- they will bring you a bowl of ice that the whole table can share.
Of all my contributions to my girlfriend's family on this trip, this was the biggest: Asking for ice cubes. For some reason, they had trouble with it.
I, however, had a knack for it.
It was the American side of me, I guess.
---------------------------
Hey, guess what? I'm trying to make a living writing blogs about the dumb things of everyday life. How am I doing this? With the help of the folks at iBizTraining.com, an online training resource that shows you how to run your own online business (Online Training, Online Business. My God, it fits!!). Find out more at www.iBiztraining.com
The best sportswriters in the world are women (I have always said this). And the best in the world is none other than my girlfriend Ramona Shelburne, sports columnist for the Los Angeles Daily News. Read more about her at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramona_Shelburne
There's a high standard in today's fashion world. And no one meets that standard better than Spooles, which provides customers with high-quality purses and other accessories that are both affordable and trendy. Get trendy!! Go to www.spooles.com
There's a cowgirl inside every woman: Elusive, passionate, untamed (I wrote that myself!!). Elusive Cowgirl caters to the free spirit within you, priding themselves on a special line of high-quality products unique on its own yet tailored to fit your everyday style. Find your inner cowgirl: Visit www.elusivecowgirl.com
The laziest man in Earth…is blogging about it. Go to www.lazyhank.com and find out more.
Still though, there were certain things about this country that were just odd, and reminded you that this was indeed a world away from the good ol' US of A. Observe:
-----------------------
In some of the more commercial establishments...
(i.e., a McDonalds; and just so you know, food snobs, I just used the restroom there. Despite my well-known love of fast food, I didn't do a "ghastly" act and eat there rather than enjoy Italy's cuisine.)
...female bathroom attendants think nothing of cleaning the urinals while plenty of men still reside inside.
And apparently, the men think nothing of it either as none of them seemed shocked while this was going on.
Still, I kindly waited till she left.
------------------
Hot and cold water knobs are difficult to navigate in Italy. "E" means cold, "C" means hot, but the "C" doesn't get hot right away. It takes a while for the water to get hot, so you're not sure if you're actually turning the "cold" knob.
Total shower time (on average): 7 minutes for shower, 123 minutes to get water temperature right.
-------------------------
No salt-and-pepper shakers on the table. Not that you need them, but those who enjoy ground pepper in their salads are out of luck here.
-------------------------
And finally, let's bust the "ice" myth. I don't why everyone thinks ice is nonexistent in Italy. All you have to do is ask. Seriously, that's it. When you order your coca cola (be sure to say "coca cola" as half the time you get a vacant stare when you say "coke") ask them for ice as well. Not only will they bring you a fine quantity of ice, but often -- just so you don't bother them with the "ice" question ever again -- they will bring you a bowl of ice that the whole table can share.
Of all my contributions to my girlfriend's family on this trip, this was the biggest: Asking for ice cubes. For some reason, they had trouble with it.
I, however, had a knack for it.
It was the American side of me, I guess.
---------------------------
Hey, guess what? I'm trying to make a living writing blogs about the dumb things of everyday life. How am I doing this? With the help of the folks at iBizTraining.com, an online training resource that shows you how to run your own online business (Online Training, Online Business. My God, it fits!!). Find out more at www.iBiztraining.com
The best sportswriters in the world are women (I have always said this). And the best in the world is none other than my girlfriend Ramona Shelburne, sports columnist for the Los Angeles Daily News. Read more about her at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramona_Shelburne
There's a high standard in today's fashion world. And no one meets that standard better than Spooles, which provides customers with high-quality purses and other accessories that are both affordable and trendy. Get trendy!! Go to www.spooles.com
There's a cowgirl inside every woman: Elusive, passionate, untamed (I wrote that myself!!). Elusive Cowgirl caters to the free spirit within you, priding themselves on a special line of high-quality products unique on its own yet tailored to fit your everyday style. Find your inner cowgirl: Visit www.elusivecowgirl.com
The laziest man in Earth…is blogging about it. Go to www.lazyhank.com and find out more.
Conversations With Mom: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience
Moms are nuts. We all know this. Yes, they're kind and sweet and the most wonderful women on Earth -- and if nothing else, you can always go home to Mom -- but I'm sure I speak for many when I say the most random, ridiculous conversations we will ever have in our lives are with the woman who gave us life.
Over the past few months, I've had a few rather exceptionally whacked-out conversations with my mom, who -- being from Brooklyn and Jewish -- is more nuts than most.
Observe:
-----------------------------
Nev's Mom: Nevin, I'm not so sure about this Content Editor job.
Nev: Well like I said, Mom, I'm just talking with them. No formal offer has been made.
Nev's Mom: I know, but with Wonder Bread going out of business...
Nev: I know but...wait, what?
Nev's Mom: You didn't hear? Wonder Bread is going out of business.
Nev: Um...OK.
Nev's Mom: Nevin, hello? Wonder Bread!
Nev: What does Wonder Bread have to do with my job search?
Nev's Mom: Well, if Wonder Bread can go out of business, don't you think this company you're talking to can go out of business too?
Nev: That...that makes absolutely no sense!! Mom, the Content Editor job deals with loyalty services. That's, like, credit card rewards points. Wonder Bread deals with...bread.
Nev's Mom: I'm just saying: It's a scary time in the business world. If Wonder Bread goes out of business, then that makes me worry more about you.
Nev: But I don't...work with bread.
Nev's Mom: But you eat sandwiches!!
----------------------------------
Nev's Mom: Who is your Internet provider?
Nev: AT&T.
Nev's Mom: Why don't you have Verizon?
Nev: Because AT&T was the main provider in my coverage area.
Nev's Mom: But isn't Verizon your cell service?
Nev: Yeah.
Nev's Mom: So why isn't Verizon your Internet provider?
Nev: Um...I don't know.
Nev's Mom: Well, wouldn't that make more sense?
Nev: Mom, when I moved into my apartment, they told me AT&T was the main Internet provider here. So I got AT&T.
Nev's Mom: Did you at least consider Verizon?
Nev: Why are you asking me this two years later?
Nev's Mom: Because I'm concerned.
Nev: About what? My Internet?
Nev's Mom: Yes!
Nev: Why?
Nev's Mom: Because Verizon is your cell phone. And you have two different technologies and two different companies and...I just worry!! What if they don't work well together and they explode?!?
----------------------------
And finally:
Nev's Mom: Don't forget to get your brake pads done.
Nev: Mom, I don't have to do that for, like, 3-4 months.
Nev's Mom: I know, but I'm just reminding you.
Nev: You're reminding me about something I won't do for four months?
Nev's Mom: Well, what if you forget?
Nev: Well, if you're so worried, why don't you remind me in, like, four months?
Nev's Mom: Well, why don't you write yourself a note so I don't have to remind you four months in advance?!?
---------------------
My favorite line was the "technologies not working together and exploding" thing. I confess: I didn't see that one coming. That was a new one.
Moms.
Yeah.
-------------------------
Hey, guess what? I'm trying to make a living writing blogs about the dumb things of everyday life. How am I doing this? With the help of the folks at iBizTraining.com, an online training resource that shows you how to run your own online business (Online Training, Online Business. My God, it fits!!). Find out more at http://www.ibiztraining.com/
The best sportswriters in the world are women (I have always said this). And the best in the world is none other than my girlfriend Ramona Shelburne, sports columnist for the Los Angeles Daily News. Read more about her at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramona_Shelburne
There's a high standard in today's fashion world. And no one meets that standard better than Spooles, which provides customers with high-quality purses and other accessories that are both affordable and trendy. Get trendy!! Go to http://www.spooles.com/
There's a cowgirl inside every woman: Elusive, passionate, untamed (I wrote that myself!!). Elusive Cowgirl caters to the free spirit within you, priding themselves on a special line of high-quality products unique on its own yet tailored to fit your everyday style. Find your inner cowgirl: Visit http://www.elusivecowgirl.com/
The laziest man in Earth…is blogging about it. Go to www.lazyhank.com and find out more.
Over the past few months, I've had a few rather exceptionally whacked-out conversations with my mom, who -- being from Brooklyn and Jewish -- is more nuts than most.
Observe:
-----------------------------
Nev's Mom: Nevin, I'm not so sure about this Content Editor job.
Nev: Well like I said, Mom, I'm just talking with them. No formal offer has been made.
Nev's Mom: I know, but with Wonder Bread going out of business...
Nev: I know but...wait, what?
Nev's Mom: You didn't hear? Wonder Bread is going out of business.
Nev: Um...OK.
Nev's Mom: Nevin, hello? Wonder Bread!
Nev: What does Wonder Bread have to do with my job search?
Nev's Mom: Well, if Wonder Bread can go out of business, don't you think this company you're talking to can go out of business too?
Nev: That...that makes absolutely no sense!! Mom, the Content Editor job deals with loyalty services. That's, like, credit card rewards points. Wonder Bread deals with...bread.
Nev's Mom: I'm just saying: It's a scary time in the business world. If Wonder Bread goes out of business, then that makes me worry more about you.
Nev: But I don't...work with bread.
Nev's Mom: But you eat sandwiches!!
----------------------------------
Nev's Mom: Who is your Internet provider?
Nev: AT&T.
Nev's Mom: Why don't you have Verizon?
Nev: Because AT&T was the main provider in my coverage area.
Nev's Mom: But isn't Verizon your cell service?
Nev: Yeah.
Nev's Mom: So why isn't Verizon your Internet provider?
Nev: Um...I don't know.
Nev's Mom: Well, wouldn't that make more sense?
Nev: Mom, when I moved into my apartment, they told me AT&T was the main Internet provider here. So I got AT&T.
Nev's Mom: Did you at least consider Verizon?
Nev: Why are you asking me this two years later?
Nev's Mom: Because I'm concerned.
Nev: About what? My Internet?
Nev's Mom: Yes!
Nev: Why?
Nev's Mom: Because Verizon is your cell phone. And you have two different technologies and two different companies and...I just worry!! What if they don't work well together and they explode?!?
----------------------------
And finally:
Nev's Mom: Don't forget to get your brake pads done.
Nev: Mom, I don't have to do that for, like, 3-4 months.
Nev's Mom: I know, but I'm just reminding you.
Nev: You're reminding me about something I won't do for four months?
Nev's Mom: Well, what if you forget?
Nev: Well, if you're so worried, why don't you remind me in, like, four months?
Nev's Mom: Well, why don't you write yourself a note so I don't have to remind you four months in advance?!?
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My favorite line was the "technologies not working together and exploding" thing. I confess: I didn't see that one coming. That was a new one.
Moms.
Yeah.
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Hey, guess what? I'm trying to make a living writing blogs about the dumb things of everyday life. How am I doing this? With the help of the folks at iBizTraining.com, an online training resource that shows you how to run your own online business (Online Training, Online Business. My God, it fits!!). Find out more at http://www.ibiztraining.com/
The best sportswriters in the world are women (I have always said this). And the best in the world is none other than my girlfriend Ramona Shelburne, sports columnist for the Los Angeles Daily News. Read more about her at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramona_Shelburne
There's a high standard in today's fashion world. And no one meets that standard better than Spooles, which provides customers with high-quality purses and other accessories that are both affordable and trendy. Get trendy!! Go to http://www.spooles.com/
There's a cowgirl inside every woman: Elusive, passionate, untamed (I wrote that myself!!). Elusive Cowgirl caters to the free spirit within you, priding themselves on a special line of high-quality products unique on its own yet tailored to fit your everyday style. Find your inner cowgirl: Visit http://www.elusivecowgirl.com/
The laziest man in Earth…is blogging about it. Go to www.lazyhank.com and find out more.
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