Facebook Status Updates: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

Facebook status updates have gotten out of hand.

For those of you who choose to live outside of basic human society (which hopefully would be none of you, since it would be disturbing to me -- albeit a bit flattering -- that you would lift your "interact with human society" ban to read my blog), Facebook is a social networking Web site in which users can add friends and send them messages, and update their personal profiles to notify friends about themselves.

It's the "update their personal profiles to notify friends about themselves" portion that I want to address today. It really has gotten out of hand, folks. A lot of you on Facebook are posting the most basic and mundane facts about your life, and it has to stop.

Let me ask you this: Would you call your friend on the phone to let him know that you just brushed your teeth? No? Then why would you put that as your Facebook status? Putting it on your Facebook status does not make people care that you floss regularly. It just doesn't. By the same token, no one gives a damn that you're at the grocery store, walking your dog, or that you ran a mile in under 9 minutes.

And what's with the people who put their status as "is"? I mean...what the hell?

Personally, my Facebook status updates only list the major things going on in my life. The things I know my friends would be interested in. Observe some of the status updates I've posted over the past few days:

"Nevin Barich had a long day at work."

"Nevin Barich really can't stand traffic."

"Nevin Barich is watching TV with Ramona."

"Nevin Barich is hanging out with friends tonight."

"Nevin Barich expanded his farm in Farmville."

"Nevin Barich finished second in a poker tournament on Zygna Poker."

"Nevin Barich expanded his farm again Farmville."

"Nevin Barich needs his chickens in Farmville fed."

"Nevin Barich thanks everyone for feeding his chickens."

"Nevin Barich now hopes that someone can fertilize his crops."

"Nevin Barich thanks everyone for fertilizing his crops."

"Nevin Barich is looking left."

"Nevin Barich is looking right."

"Nevin Barich is blinking his eyes."

"Nevin Barich says hello."

"Nevin Barich is thinking about making a cheese quesadilla."

"Nevin Barich is making a cheese quesadilla."

"Nevin Barich's cheese quesadilla is done."

"Nevin Barich is eating his cheese quesadilla."

"Nevin Barich's cheese quesadilla could've used a bit more cheese."

And finally:

"Nevin Barich has lost his socks."

So you see: When it comes to Facebook status updates, I only post the important stuff.

Learn from me.

:-)

And now for this week's:

SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE

I came across this story earlier this week that talked about the world's most outrageous guest requests at hotels. Give it a read. It's an SOTA you won't believe.

More Info About Haiti Dontations, And Looking For A House: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

Before I go into this week's blog, I want to write a little bit more about those who are providing aid to the people of Haiti in the wake of the devastating earthquake that killed at least more than 111,000 people.

My friend Korina is the founder and CEO of Humanitarian Travels International, an organization that provides people with the opportunity to travel to areas in need and assist in philanthropic expeditions. HTI has partnered with members of Airline Ambassadors International (www.airlineamb.org) to deliver shipments of relief aid to Haiti. Airline Ambassadors has done a great job of getting planes donated from American Airlines and other major airlines that will be used to transport shipments.

HTI will be taking an emergency team within the next couple of months to continue the flow of needed supplies. If you have access to any of the following items and can donate them to the people of Haiti, please e-mail Korina at ksmith@humanitariantravels.org:

Medical Supplies
- crutches of all sizes
- rubber gloves
- medicine (neosporin, hydrogine peroxide)
- anti biotics- PRIORITY
- emergency kits
- bandages
- aspirin and tylenol, pain medications

Hygiene Supplies
- baby wipes
- soap
- wash clothes
- toothbrushes/paste
- feminine hygiene supplies
- mosquito nets

Food
- pre-packaged items (light and easy to transport, not canned)
- granola bars, high energy biscuits
- water bottle filters
- water purification tablets
- powedered milk, formula
- rice and beans

Clothing and Bedding materials
- shoes/flip flops only, no other clothing supplies for now.
- sheets
- yoga mats

Thanks everyone. :-)

And now onto this week's blog:

Earlier this week, My wife Ramona and I began the process of looking for a house.

Now when I say "begun the process", I place great emphasis on the word "begun." Essentially, we spoke to a family friend who is a realtor (who gave us some amazing advice and put us in touch with some great people). We've looked at a couple of listings online and are starting to put together the stuff necessary for loan pre-approval, but that's it.

And already craziness has begun.

Here are three things that have taken over my life since "House Hunting 2010" began (and bear in mind again that it really has just begun. I mean, we're talking "first shovel of dirt toward digging a grave" beginning here:

1) Ramona has now deemed our apartment too small.

Prior to the word "house" being uttered, this was never a real issue. Our apartment isn't huge by any stretch -- one bedroom, one bathroom, 850 square feet -- but it's not a box, either. But now that we've begun trying to dig up old tax returns to get a home loan, I've heard the following statements from my lovely recent bride:

I WANT ANOTHER BATHROOM!!!

THERE'S NO ROOM IN THIS KITCHEN TO COOK!!!

THERE'S NO SPACE FOR OUR WEDDING GIFTS!!!

WE HAVE NO ROOM FOR GUESTS TO STAY OVER!!!

I WANT A HOUSE!!!!!!!!

Men everywhere feel my pain.

2) Everyone who bought a house has a horror story.

I cannot begin to tell you how many people have told me how horrible the journey I'm starting will be. Everyone who has bought a house, apparently, has gone through absolute misery. Bad realtors, bank shenanigans, escrow falling through, crazy closing costs. You'd have thought these people had come back from war, these stories are so depressing.

And that leads me to:

3) Everyone says their realtor is the best.

This is what I don't understand: If your house-buying experience was so terrible, why the hell do you want to put me in touch with the person who put you through hell in the first place? Is it a "misery loves company" thing? I mean, everyone wants me to use their realtor. It's like I'm single again and everyone's trying to set me up with different women.

Tell you what: Let's play a game entitled: "Realtor and Woman." The object: Take the following statements that have the word "woman" in it and replace it in your mind with "realtor."

Nev, I've got the perfect woman for you!!

Nev, I want to set you up with this woman. She's really nice, sweet and honest.

Nev, this woman is very genuine and really cares about what you want and think.

At this point, I half-feel like I should find a realtor by looking at the personal ads.

But in the end, I know it will all be worth it. We'll eventually have a house, which means we'll have grass, which means we'll have pets, which means we'll have room for kids, which means the rest of my life will be devoted to lawn mowing, dogs, and doing my best to not screw up the lives of my young ones.

In short: My life is over.

But we're just at the beginning of the "my life is over" stage.

:-)

And now for this week's:

SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE

Read this about Heidi Montag, and when you're finished, I want you to know something:

If you thought to yourself, "Damn it I wish she had just died," it's OK.

You're not alone.

:-)

Helping The People Of Haiti, and 'I Dump You' Cards: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

Before I go into this week's blog, I wanted to talk for a minute about the recent earthquake that struck the people of Haiti. Sadly, the death toll is estimated in the tens of thousands, with current estimates ranging anywhere from 50,000 to 200,000.

In horrific situations like these, it goes such a long way if each of us can donate to help in the relief efforts. The following story contains several links where you can make a donation. You can also use your cell phone and text "haiti" to 90999, and Red Cross will charge $10 to your next phone bill. Help make a difference. Thank you.

And now onto this week's blog.

Try and picture the following:

A greeting card where the front of it contains a picture of two identical trees, with the following words:

Both of us have a lot of growing to do...

Now imagine opening up the insides of the card, where it reads:

...maybe it would be best if we grew separately for a while.

If you're the recipient of such a card, you've just been dumped.

Via greeting card.

Now I know what some of you are thinking:

Nevin, what the f***? That's the absolute dumbest idea I ever heard!! Why the hell can't someone be man enough to break up with someone, oh I don't know, in person?!? A greeting card dumping someone? Disgusting!!!

And if you're thinking this, you're thinking from the perspective of the person being dumped.

But what if you're the one during the dumping?

All of us have been on both sides of the fence. And on several levels, it's harder being the dumper than the dumpee. Breaking up with someone in person is hard. The other person cries, yells, begs, offers money so that you'll stay with them. Simply put, it sucks to listen to those pleas. But by the same token, there's a huge backlash against people who break up with someone via text or e-mail.

Enter the "I Dump You" card.

A greeting card is the best of both worlds. You don't have to break up with the person in person, and yet at the same time it's better received than a text or e-mail because you actually had to go out and buy something. Some thought was put into this!!

And there can be varying degrees of the "I Dump You" greeting card.

There can be the soft approach, as mentioned earlier.

There can be the mean approach.

I'm sorry I ever met you. You're a psycho and I never want to see you again."

Or there can even be the more-complicated I-don't-want-us-to-be-exclusive-right-now-but-I-think-I-might-want-to-later-once-I-sow-some-oats-so-I-want-to-keep-you-on-the-hook-for-a-while approach.

I'm not ready for someone like you right now. But I want to be, and one day I hope I'm worthy enough for you.

Either way, Hallmark should jump on this immediately.

"I Dump You" cards.

If you're in a miserable relationship, you know you're begging for this to happen.

(Note: I am happily married, and this blog topic was written with the direct verbal consent of my wife).

:-)

And now for this week's:

SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE

Freakin' McDonalds!! I went there today and found out that they raised the prices of their small fries to $1.19.

It used to be $1.

Value Menu, my eye.

Self-Serve Butter Dispensers For Movie Theater Popcorn: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

I'm sure everyone who reads this blog has at one time or another eaten popcorn when they've gone to the movie theater. After all, popcorn is a movie theater staple. I know some folks who can't imagine sitting in a theater without a large tub of popcorn in their hands.

But lately, I've noticed the next stage in the evolution (or, depending on your view, the de-evolution) of movie theater popcorn:

The self-serve liquid butter dispenser.

Instead of the concession stand worker putting the butter on the popcorn for you -- and taking your "can I have extra butter on that" or "no butter please. I'm watching my weight" requests -- you can now handle the butter responsibility yourself. You don't want butter? Head right into the theater. Want a ton? Head over to the self-serve thingy and let the butter times roll.

Now here's my question:

Who the hell in their right mind thought this was a good idea?!?!

Listen: Today's society is fat. Let's just get that right out in the open. More than half of you who read this blog are overweight. The statistics don't lie. And now y'all are gonna get fatter because you're gonna take an-already fattening snack in movie popcorn and make it infinitely worse by putting scores of liquid butter on top.

I mean, people simply can't be trusted to act responsibly when it comes to do-it-yourself liquid butter. For the fatsos of the world, this will be like Homer Simpson in the Land of Chocolate. Why don't you just put a recovering cocaine addict in a room filled to the brim with white powder? I mean, it's essentially the same thing when you think about.

And skinny people will struggle too. When they walk past that self-serve liquid butter dispenser, they're going to wonder. They're going to think to themselves: "Hmm, what's it like?" They'll imagine themselves putting the butter on their popcorn and they'll eventually utter the words that will spell their doom:

Oh what the hell. One time can't hurt.

And their downward spiral will begin.

Eventually: You have even more fat people.

This is bad, folks. Bad bad bad. I mean, at least self-serve soda fountains have diet options. But with self-serve butter, there are no buffers. There's just the single fattening option. And the only defense is a man and woman's own self-control.

In other words...

...we're doomed.

:-)

And now for this week's:

SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE

Some guy paid $330,000 in real money for a virtual space station in the game Project Entropia.

So to review:

Some guy had enough to pay $330,000 for something that doesn't, nor will ever, exist.

But don't worry. According to the article, the guy who paid for this "will be able to make money on his investment by taxing players who visit it, shop there, or use its extensive hunting facilities."

I'm sure the hunting facilities will draw a crowd.

The Annoying Thing About New Year's Resolutions: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

Have you ever known someone who actually kept a New Year's resolution?

Every New Year's holiday features a bunch of people from all walks of life who decide on a New Year's resolution, something they say they're going to accomplish by the time the new year ends. You hear them all the time. "I'm gonna go on a diet. I'm gonna quit smoking. I'm gonna cut out meat. I'm gonna buy less shoes."

No one ever keeps these New Year's resolutions. I've never kept one, I've never known someone to keep one, and chances are the same goes for you and the people you know. The folks who say they're gonna do a diet? Eating Oreos by January 5. The smokers? Puffing away within a week. The meat eaters? You'll find them at McDonald's about a month and a half after they've eaten frozen tofu for the ninth time. And the shoe buyers? Finished at the first sign of a sale.

But here's the thing: People who don't keep their New Year's resolutions don't bother me. Because if it did, I would hate myself and every single person on Earth.

And that's just not realistic. :-)

What bothers me are the ones that get so high-and-mighty about their New Year's resolutions. You'll seen these people a million times. The ones who proclaim, who decree, that this New Year's holiday, they have given up their vice. Not that they're going to, mind you, but that they have. The smokers have "quit smoking" after being smoke-free for eight seconds. The meat eaters have "given up eating meat" after going an entire breakfast without eating bacon. The shoe buyers have declared themselves cured of their shopping addiction after going an entire weekend without visiting the mall.

And then there are the people I really want to chuck off a cliff. The ones that declare, sometime around late November or early December, that they "don't need to wait until New Year's for my resolution. Why wait until New Year's? Those who wait until New Year's are just making excuses!! I'm starting my resolution now!! I'm not like you!! When I put my mind to something, I get it done!!"

These people quit their resolutions within 72 hours, and promptly never speak of them again.

I hate those people. And I hope you do too.

So as 2010 begins, whatever New Year's resolution you've come up with, know this:

You're not going to keep it.

And that's OK.

No one excepts you to.

Now go eat those Oreos.

I know they're calling your name.

:-)

And now for this week's:

SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE

Elton John is helping Eminem with his substance abuse problems.

Um...yeah.