The New iPhone...And Those Who Waited Hours In Line For It: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

My work day starts early. Every day, I drive to the Westfield building in Century City, Calif., where my company's office is located, around 5:45 a.m., before the sun even rises, and begin saving lives...in my own little way.

Today as I drove in, though, I noticed there was this huge line outside my building (which is near a mall). The line seemed to stretch a half-mile wide, complete with people full of eagerness, anticipation and lawn chairs. It was clear that many had been there for several hours, braving the bitter Westside cold.

And why were they in line? Concert tickets? An autograph of a major Hollywood star? Some guy handing out free money?

Nope.

It was for the new iPhone.

The new freakin' iPhone.

I wrote about the iPhone back in July 2008. And back then, I had some scathing things to say, the main one being that it was hard to...you know...make an actual phone call with it. At that time, my friend, co-worker, and Apple and Steve Jobs worshipper Rachit and I had the following conversation about iPhones that I wrote about in my last blog on the subject. Here's the excerpt:

"How do I call someone with it?" I asked him.

And he looked at me. Just looked at me. Like a puppy pondering why there wasn't any food in his bowl at the pre-arranged feeding time. He was confused, a vacant glaze coming over his eyes.

"You don't need to call someone," he said.

Come again?

"You don't have to call with the iPhone," he continued. "It's easy to text or e-mail."

"But what if I want to talk to the person?" I asked.

"But you don't have to," he replied.

"But what if I want to?"

"Why would you want to?"

"Why? What you do mean why? Because I'm used to talking to people on the phone, that's why."

"But you don't have to talk with the iPhone."

"But what if I want to talk with the iPhone?"

"You don't have to."

"But I want to!!"

"You can text or e-mail them."

"I don't want to text or e-mail them."

"But it's faster."

"It's impersonal."

"No one talks anymore."

"We're talking now."

"But not over the phone."

"Dude...I want a phone to talk."

"Talking isn't necessary."

"BUT IT'S A PHONE!!!!"

(pause)

"You know what, Nev? I don't think the iPhone is right for you."


Fast forward two years. Rachit is one of the lunatics waiting in line before sunrise for the new iPhone. To his credit, however, he did not have a lawn chair.

When he came into the office after several hours, new iPhone in tow, I asked him what made this new iPhone different from the other iPhones.

"It's got a camera," he said.

Didn't the last one had a camera?

"This one has two cameras," he replied.

And, uh, why do you need two cameras?

"For video chat."

Apparently, with the new iPhone you can now video chat with people. Just one more reason that Apple founder Steve Jobs is a genius. He's capitalizing on the fact that people no longer communicate face-to-face and feel guilty about it, by giving them the ability to video chat on their phones, thus making it so that a) they still don't communicate face-to-face but b) no longer have to feel guilty about it.

No matter that you're talking to someone on a 1-inch screen. Or that if you're walking and talking at the same time, you won't be able to actually see the person. Steve Jobs has capitalized on the current American mindset, is making another major fortune on an idiotic idea, and getting people to wait in half-mile long lines for it.

And you know what the crazy part is? In order to actually access this video chat feature, two things must happen:

1) Both people have to have the new iPhone.

And 2) Both people have to be in a place where there's WiFi.

"So wait a minute," I asked Rachit. "Both people need to be somewhere with WiFi in order for it to work? What if one of them doesn't have WiFi?"

And you know what he replied?

"You can jailbreak it because of the 3G."

(pause)

"But I don't jailbreak, Nev. Jailbreaking is illegal."

(pause)

"Don't jailbreak, Nev. Jailbreaking is not good."

(pause)

The iPhone language:

When English is spoken...

...and not a word is understood.

Steve Jobs would've been proud.

:-)

Before I go into this week's Sign Of The Apocalypse, I wanted to share this story:

In the middle of writing this blog, Rachit and I had the following conversation over Instant Messenger:

Me: I'm writing a blog about you.

Rachit: Nev...noooooo!! Don't mention me!!

Me: Sorry Rachit, some things just can't not be shared to the world.

Rachit: Nooooooo!!

Me: You're gonna be a star!!

Rachit: Nooooooo!!

Me: Don't worry: You're being painted in a positive light.

Rachit: I am?

Me: Yeah. I'm mentioning that you didn't have a lawn chair.

(pause)

Rachit: All right.

And a blog topic was approved.

:-)

And now for this week's:

SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE

Amanda Bynes is retiring from acting.

And a piece of the world slowly begins to die...