Friday, April 24, 2009

Trying To Find Q-Tips In A Supermarket: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

I can never find Q-Tips in a supermarket.

Seriously, trying to find Q-Tips at my local Ralphs is a skill that escapes me. I just can't do it. The skin care aisle? Not there. The bathroom products aisle? Not there. The aisle with all the maple syrups? I never expect to find it there, but when you've gone down 15 aisles and you can't find it, you'll try anything.

And here's the weird thing: Most of the staff don't know where the Q-Tips are either. Ask Sam the box boy guy where Q-Tips can be located and you're met with a bunch of ""s and a finger pointing you toward the light fixture on the ceiling.

Am I supposed to pray for guidance in finding out where the Q-Tips might be?

I can never find Q-Tips. I can find lean pockets, shredded cheese, Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi, sliced turkey, Propel Fitness Water, Peanut Butter Captain Crunch, and generic brand dishwashing liquid -- all in 46 seconds -- but I spend another 45 minutes searching for the swabs necessary to clean my ears.

And here's another weird thing: Do you know who always ends up knowing where to find Q-Tips? The butcher. Don't ask me why. Perhaps it's in their DNA. Perhaps it's because so many people began asking them out of desperation that knowing where the Q-Tips are located became part of the unofficial Butchers' Code of Conduct. Whatever the reason, butchers will always lead you right.

Now, allow me to address the following questions you no doubt have:

1) If Q-Tips are so hard to find and the butcher always knows where they are, why don't you just save yourself time and ask the butcher in the first place?

Because I stubbornly refuse to believe that I can't find the Q-Tips on my own. I mean, it's common sense. I'm college-educated, resourceful...I should be able to find the damn things on my own!! And God willing, one day -- with much determination -- I will.

And that victory will be sweet.

2) Why don't you just write down where the butcher tells you to go to find the Q-Tips and remember for next time?

Because by the time I come across the Q-Tips, I'm so elated that my supermarket experience has come to an end that I just grab a box, race to the checkout stand, and get the hell out of there. It's only when I'm in my car halfway home that I realize:

I have no idea where I've just been.

And 3) Since it always takes you so long to find the Q-Tips, when you finally do so, do you splurge and buy the name brand?

Hell no!! The cheapy store brand is fine with me!!

After all people, we're in a recession. And times are tough.

Besides: I don't want my friends who may be struggling financially to come to my home and see my fancy, more expensive Q-Tips.

It would be like rubbing my success in their face.

And that would be rude.


And now for this week's:


According to a new study, denial can bring about marital bliss.

Well that's nice to know.

The key to a successful marriage:

Avoiding reality.



Mike said...

How odd. I went to the Ralph's website, all prepared to show you up by taking thirty seconds to search for where you can find Q-Tips in any Ralph's store, when I discovered that they don't have that feature available.

With Stop N Shop markets, the East Coast equivalent, you can just go to their website, click on their home delivery service, and virtually browse store aisles. Took me less than thirty seconds to find Q-Tips, as it turns out.

Another Suburban Mom said...

They are usually with the baby stuff for reasons totally unknown to me since you are NOT supposed to put them in a baby's ear.