Thursday, April 16, 2009

Doing Laundry...The Guy Way: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

There's a societal practice I've never been able to understand, and that is the whole "separate the whites from the colors when doing the laundry" concept. I mean honestly, what's the point? Your colors are going to fade regardless, and as long as you turn the washer knob to "cold", your whites won't become pinks if you've accidentally thrown in a pair of your red Christmas socks.

(Note: I don't actually own a pair of red Christmas socks. But if I did, there'd be no shame in it).

I do my laundry in the time-honored tradition of men: I cram everything into one machine, whites and colors combined, my own little melting pot in my apartment complex's laundry room. Then I pour some laundry detergent, never bothering with the measuring cup (I'm a man, and men have a sixth sense when it comes to right measurements), and wash everything in cold water.

Three simple steps.

And I've never seen a man do his laundry any other way. Separating the whites from the colors? That's insane!! First, it requires more than one load. Second, how the hell do you determine whether your mainly white shirt with some print on it is either a "white" or a "color?" Third, if you live in an apartment complex, that costs more quarters!!

Times are tough enough.

And then there's the whole "choice of water temperature" thing that's honestly a waste. It's bad enough that you've separated by color, but now you got to make separate "cold", "warm" and "hot" piles as well? And you wonder why little kids run away screaming when their moms tell them it's time they did their own laundry?

And then there's detergent. The following...are my thoughts:

A) Just pour the damn stuff in. Measuring cups are for wussies. It displays a lack of confidence in one's self.

And B) Forget all this environmentally friendly nonsense. I'm sick and tired of someone spewing off how I'm solely to blame for killing Mother Nature because I'm using Earth-harming ingredients found in Tide. Never mind that these same people drive gas-guzzling cars and frequently use aerosol cans. Because I don't use "Nature Knows Best" laundry liquid, I'm the bad guy. Get off your high horse. Jesus.

All I'm saying is, the guy way to doing laundry captures the true spirit of a man:

His desire to do things simply.

His desire to do things quickly.

And his complete and utter obliviousness to the world around him.

The guy way of doing laundry.

Hear us roar.


And now for this week's:


A woman recently spent tens of thousands of dollars in plastic surgery to look like her daughter.

Here's guessing the daughter will need to spend thousands of dollars in therapy.

Like my old high school math teacher once told me:

Son, one day you're gonna realize: People...are idiots.

Believe me Mr. Kawamoto, I realize.


Amber said...

GAH! This post is my worst nightmare!

Warm water gets the clothes cleaner than cold. Unless you use the detergent specially formulated for cold water. And that's too fussy even for me, so warm water it is.

And not having all your socks and towels and other whites look dirty and grey is a good reason to separate colors from whites, IMO. Yes, white clothes actually look dirty if they're not bleached.

And dear god, you didn't mention fabric softener. You're not using any are you?

I'm going to go cry in a corner now. I'm thoroughly traumatized. Thanks man.

pop drinker said...

you had a high school "match" teacher? No wonder you found the woman of your dreams! :P

Carlos said...

Fabric softeners kick @$$!!!!!

You should separate whites from colors and bleech the whites.
Just like chef Ramsey says, " You filthy pig!!! Pig!!"