Thursday, February 12, 2009

Still The Bane Of All Male Existence (a.k.a. Valentine’s Day): A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

Nevdogg Note: One of the first blog posts I ever wrote was about how men hated Valentine's Day. And with the "holiday" mere hours away, I thought it wise to write on the subject. But when reading over last year's blog, I realized: My thoughts on the subject hasn't changed. Plus, the last blog on it was pretty entertaining. :-) So here's last year's Valentine's Day blog. For my new readers, enjoy. For my original readers, enjoy this trip down memory lane.

This Saturday marks one of the most painful days of the year in the life of the non-single man. It's a day we dread, a day we fear, a day that makes us sag our shoulders at the mere thought.

They call this horror of horrors: Valentine's Day.

Now, all the men reading this know exactly where I'm coming from, nodding and thinking, "Amen, my brother. The truth must finally be told." So it's to you, female audience of Nevin's blogs, that I'm speaking to today.

If a man has a girlfriend, fiancee or wife, he despises Valentine's Day. Why?

1) Money. When Valentine's Day is over, the man's wallet is going to be a couple of hundred dollars less (and that's IF the woman in question is easy to please). Flowers, candy, dinner...everything is jacked up price-wise on this Hallmark-created holiday. And businesses know that a man can't skimp on the festivities, lest he do so at his own peril.

I once suggested to a former girlfriend that we go to Dennys on Feb. 14 and that she pretend to be 56 in order to get the senior citizen price on the pancakes.

The idea didn't fly.

So businesses charge their exorbitant fees on Valentine's Day and laugh to themselves, knowing that they've got us by the testicles.

2) Pressure. Here's an interesting observation I've made over the last several Valentine's Days. Giving in and paying $50 for $10 roses is no longer good enough. Today's women want something different, special, something that sets them apart from their girlfriends. It's like the man is caught in the middle of a female pissing contest.

So not only does the man have to shell out a lot of money, but now he's expected to put in some thought? What are we supposed to do? Learn the guitar and write you a love song? Take you to the circus and arrange to be shot out of a cannon while we scream "I love you" as we go soaring over the horizon? Buy you a car?

Money and thought? C'mon!!

3) It's not fair. I saw a jewelry commercial the other day with the tagline, "This Valentine's Day, show her how much you care." Well, where's the "show him" commercials? When was it decided that Valentine's Day was only about one gender? When did men get left out in the cold? Do we not have some sort of role in the whole "couples" concept?

All I want is for there to be a commercial for me. How about: "On Valentine's Day, show him you care: Madden 2009 for the Playstation 3."

Is that too much to ask?

So, non-single ladies, I'd like to end with this:

If on Valentine's Day, your man did not step up to your expectations, remember: It's not that he doesn't love you...

...it's that he can't afford you.

:-)

And now for this week's:

SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE

This year, because I love my soon-to-be wife -- and because I'm stupid -- I'm watching American Idol, so that she and I have one more thing to share.

That should be considered her Valentine's Day gift.

But it won't be.

Instead, I must satisfy myself with the fact that I'm making her happy.

...

God, I'm stupid.

4 comments:

Another Suburban Mom said...

I don't make my husband celebrate Valentine's day beyond a card. I also make something extremely chocolaty and then we fuck like bunnies.

We are adding a new holiday to the list. Its Steak and a Blowjob day and is celebrated on March 15th.

Amber said...

I'm pretty sure Kevin doesn't despise Valentine's Day. You know why?

WE DON'T CELEBRATE IT!

It's a fake holiday. It's made up. It has absolutely no significance other than for retailers to sell crappy stuff to the masses.

I honestly don't understand why people put so much stock into the day. I expect Saturday to be exactly the same as any other Saturday around our house. And I think that makes me the perfect wife. ;)

Red04 said...

Valentine's Day leans towards females, because Superbowl is for men, even though it hasn't yet been established as a national holiday. New Year's Eve is for men, (an excuse to drink and act wild and crazy), St. Patrick's day is for irish men, Father's Day is for fathers (men), President's Day is for men, you see where I'm going with this? So one holiday to celebrate all women ain't so bad compared to rest of the holidays capitalizing on men. I'm just sayin.

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