Saturday, February 7, 2009

Economy Schnomy: Be Pampered And Spoiled On Your Birthday: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

I've gone to a few birthday parties recently and I've noticed that they've been toned down a bit as we hit upon tough economic times. Now I understand the need to save money when times are tight, but birthdays are a time to be spoiled and pampered, regardless of the current economic climate.

So below are some bits of infinite birthday wisdom for those who are thinking about ratcheting down their special day:

Bit Of Infinite Birthday Wisdom # 1: Have People Pamper You On Your Birthday. For those of you who don’t force people to wait on you hand-and-foot on your birthday, I ask: What’s wrong with you? Birthdays are the one time of year where the loved ones in your life have to wait on you like slaves!! Why, without that breakfast in bed or that foot rub or that movie on TV that everyone refuses to watch on any other day because it stars Jean Claude Van Damme, what’s the point of birthdays? You might as well just turn the lights off, hide under the covers, and wait for the day to end.

Bit Of Infinite Birthday Wisdom # 2: Have People Buy You Expensive Gifts On Your Birthday. For those of you who don’t desire expensive gifts on your birthday, I ask: What’s wrong with you? Birthdays are the perfect opportunity to demand that your loved ones shell out big bucks for ridiculous products that you don’t need. Pillows stuffed with duck feathers. Diamond-encrusted coasters. Gold-plated dispensers filled with Pez. Do you need any of these items? No. But who cares? It’s your birthday!! This is your one day to demand insane items at prices far greater than the average third-world person makes in a year.

Bit Of Infinite Birthday Wisdom # 3: Have People Take You Out To Pricey Dinners On Your Birthday. For those of you who celebrate your birthday by hosting a party in which you make food, I ask: What’s wrong with you? Birthdays aren’t a time to cook for others. They’re a time for people to take you to expensive dinners at places you would never set foot into if the money was coming out of your wallet. Now don’t get me wrong: I enjoy eating the food you make at your own birthday. But if you were really in the “birthday spirit,” you would enjoy eating the $37 asparagus with tomato wedges and parsley that some French-sounding restaurant charges (because it’s all about the atmosphere) that I’m paying for because it’s your birthday!!

See how you’re missing the boat here?

So while I hope you have a happy birthday this year, I’m sure that by following these simple guidelines, your next birthday will be the best birthday ever!!

Even if your friends and loved ones hate you for life.


And now for this week's:


OK I admit, this isn't really a SOTS. But I loved this comment so much that I had to give it mention. Last week, I wrote about the de-evolution of Super Bowl parties, which led to the following comment from longtime reader Another Suburban Mom:

Veggie tray? No %$#&*# way! If you want veggies, order a %$#&*# veggie pizza like a good American.

Of course our Superbowl party consisted of Chili with melted cheddar cheese, a side of home made beer bread, and then some blondies with M&M's and chocolate ice cream.

Nice to see that some old-school Super Bowl parties still exist.


PTO Spreadsheet girl said...

Is it so much to ask that I just want people to worship me on my birthday?

Another Suburban Mom said...

Thanks for signaling me out. If you and Ramona end up in my neck of the woods, stop by for some goodies.