Proper Bathroom Etiquette: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

The other day, I was visiting a business establishment and the men's bathroom was locked. Thus, I used the women's bathroom.

Which, I might point out, didn't have a couch.

Television, once again, has lied to me. I was looking forward to sitting on that couch, for contemplative reflection.

Admittedly, using the women's bathroom was poor bathroom etiquette (though I put the toilet seat back down). But it got me thinking: What is proper bathroom etiquette? What are some of the unwritten rules we all should follow when visiting the facilities?

(Note: Most, if not all, of the following will probably not apply to women. Then again, women may have couches in most of their bathrooms, so etiquette takes on a whole new meaning with them).

For one thing, there's the whole issue about space in between the urinals. Men should never use the urinal that's next to another man unless absolutely necessary. The bathroom is the one place where men need space, a chance to stretch out and collect his thoughts. If another man is next to him, he can't properly focus on the task at hand.

All male readers of this blog have, at one time or another, been through the following scenario: You're in a bathroom with about 18 empty urinals and you proceed to one. A few seconds later, another fellow male comes in, and despite all the other empty urinals (which are far, far away from you) at his disposal, he chooses the one right next to you.

Bad form. Simply bad form.

Then there's eye contact during urinal use. Not allowed. While standing at the urinal, you look straight ahead, eyes forward. You never, ever tilt your head in another direction. It's not right looking at another man's eyes during urinal use.

And you sure as hell don't look down.

For obvious reasons.

Then there's conversations with men in stalls. For men who have conversations with men who are in stalls, I have just one question:

What the hell is the matter with you?

The last thing a man in a stall wants to do is talk. Whatever you have to say to the man in the stall can wait until he's out. You heard a funny joke? Wait until he leaves the stall. You're having a personal problem? Wait until he leaves the stall. The building is fire? Tell him after he leaves the stall, even at the risk of him burning to a crisp and dying a horrible death.

That would be the proper etiquette thing to do.

And now for this week's:

SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE

The other night, I was watching TV, flipping through the channels when I came across this cartoon movie called "Batman vs. Dracula." Apparently, Dracula is jealous of Batman because of the whole "bat" thing and wants to kill Batman and take over as the new Batman.

Why Dracula would want to pigeon-hole himself into that role is something the movie doesn't explain.

It's a plot hole, if you ask me.