I heard the following inspirational commercial on the radio today:
Guy # 1: OK, got the food.
Guy # 2: Sweet.
Guy # 1: Here are your fries.
Guy # 2: Awesome.
Guy # 1: Here are my fries.
Guy # 2: Cool.
Guy # 1: And here are the communal fries.
Guy # 2: Commnual fries?
Me: Communal fries?
Guy # 1: Yeah, these are the fries we share.
Guy # 2: Share?
Guy # 1: Yeah. See, whenever we get fries, inevitably one guy gets more fries than the other. But with communal fries, that problem is solved. If one guy gets less fries, he can use the communal fries to achieve balance.
Guy # 2: That's...that's brilliant!!
And really, it is.
One man getting more fries than another has long been a problem in the world of Man-dom (all men reading this blog are nodding in agreement). When multiple orders of fries are placed in the bag, more often than not the fries get mixed and one person ends up with a greater number of fries.
This can cause the man with fewer fries to ask a series of questions that can lead to dangerous paths. "Why do I get less fries?" "Am I not worthy of more?" "Does my friend not respect me?" "Who the hell does he think he is?"
This is how wars start, people.
And then, seemingly out of nowhere, a radio ad -- a radio ad -- introduces the concept of communal fries. And suddenly, years of unnecessary male strife can be eradicated in one fell swoop. Wounds can be healed, families can be united, countries can be unified.
All in one simple step.
It's like a nuclear bomb...but in a good way.
Communal fries.
The latest invention born from the indomitable spirit of man.
And now for this week's:
SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE
Remember all that stuff I said recently about hating the Beatles? Ignore it. I didn't realize they sang "Twist And Shout." I love that song!! It's one of the best songs in the history of musical sound.
It's rather embarrassing to bash a band and then find out later that they sang one of your favorite songs. Who's to blame? Myself?
Yeah right.
No, the ones to blame here are you, the readers. Christ, you spend paragraphs (and in the case of my friend Carlos, pages) arguing vehemently why the Beatles are awesome, and all you had to say was, "They sang Twist And Shout" and I would've said, "Oh. Never mind."
But you didn't.
Shame on you.
Shame on you all.
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3 comments:
I am studying for my finals this week before I am about to play poker and you tell me you don't know the band that sang your favorite song? It was in the movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off, you know - SAVE FERRIS!!!!
How can you not know the name of the band who sang your favorite song?
DORK!!!!!
Go eat you communal fries and shut up...
The communal fries. Its a clever idea. I know that I avoid lots of conflict in my house by insisting that the Dunkin Donut people put each donut in a separate bag for each child.
Yes, but unless you can recall exactly whose fries were being offered as communal fries, that commercial failed.
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