Saturday, October 4, 2008

Weeding Out The Nice Guys From The Players: Tips For Single Women: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

If you’re a heterosexual woman, raise your hand if you’ve said this before:

I just want to find a nice guy.

It sounds simple, but it’s not. I should know: I’m a nice guy and I have no clue where to find me. I honestly can’t tell you where guys like me hang out. All I know is that you won’t usually find us in the following places:


(Where not-so-nice guys want to get you drunk)


(Where not-so-nice guys want to grind on you…and get you drunk)

And strip clubs.

(Where not-so-nice guys get themselves drunk to have an excuse later on for any inappropriate actions)

And if you find a nice guy at these places, odds are he’s the designated driver. And bored as hell.

(Trust me, I speak from experience)

Now, what constitutes a nice guy? Many striking characteristics.

Here are three:

1) He’ll listen to what you have to say.

2) He’ll actually remember what you told him.

3) He’ll attempt to hide the fact that he’s sneaking looks at your breasts.

(He’ll fail. But at least he’ll try. It’s the effort ladies, not the result.)

Now, heterosexual women everywhere seem to have the same problem: How to determine whether the guy in front of them is a “nice guy” (someone who is truly interested in having a relationship) or someone who just wants to get in their pants and move on to the next conquest.

It’s a problem felt by women the world over. But don’t worry:

I’m here to help.

Here are three things to help you determine whether the guy across the table is serious about you:

Sex on the first date. Ladies, I do not believe it is fair that men who sleep with a woman on the first date are considered studs, while women who do the same are considered something vulgar. It’s a double standard, and we at disagree.

That said, if a guy tries to sleep with you on the first date, he’s not looking to hang around for the long term.

If a guy is really into you and sees a possible future with you, the last thing he will do is try to sleep with you on the first date. You may be rolling your eyes at me, female readers, but heed the following wisdom:

A guy does not want the future mother of his children to be someone who was willing to sleep with him after two hours. A guy considers such a woman “easy” (the nicest word I could think of). A man does not want an easy woman to be his future wife. A man wants the woman in his life to be special, different, at a higher standard.

If a guy is really into you, he will not try to sleep with you on date one. Even if he’s done it in the past with other girls, if he feels you’re special, he’ll hold off. Because sex with you will mean something more to him, and even he won’t want to jump right into it.

And his friends will make fun of him for it.

It’s just what guys do.

Calling you again. If a guy is serious about you, believe me: He will call you again. And call you soon. Even if he’s petrified of verbal or written rejection, if he thinks you’re special, he’ risk it.

It amazes me how many women who go out with a guy and don’t hear from him for weeks or months will give that guy another chance if he contacts her well after the first date. Ladies, if the guy is serious about you, he will not wait. He will get in touch with you immediately and try to lock in that second date. Because if he waits, he’ll wonder endlessly about how you feel about him, whether you like him, and whether you’re out with another guy.

He’ll agonize over it.

And his friends will make fun of him for it.

It’s just what guys do.

Doing something sweet. This is something that Cosmo won’t tell you. Right around date two or three, a guy who is really into you will attempt to do something sweet. Whether it’s buy you flowers, get you a teddy bear, or buy you a book written by an author you said you liked, he will do something like this to a) show you his caring side, and b) make him stand out from the other guys he fears you’re dating.

A guy will not make this attempt simply for sex. It requires too much thought (the men reading this blog are nodding, believe me). But he’ll try it in the hopes that you’ll think he’s special. Because he thinks you’re special.

A guy who does this…well, he may be a keeper.

By the way: Afterwards, a guy will tell his closest guy friends about this “something sweet” attempt.

They’ll make fun of him for it.

It’s just what guys do.

And now for this week’s:


Remember how a couple weeks back I pointed out that, according to my stat tracker, my blog had been read in nearly 50 countries, including Iran?

Well, my podcast partner Michael Feldman had the following to say about that:

Dude, getting read in Iran isn’t a good thing. That’s, like, not good. You could, like, be murdered. Assassins could be heading your way right now. From Iran.

Thanks Mike. Way to accentuate the positives.

He probably just wants to do the podcast himself. “Things That Matter With Mike. Just Mike.”

Yeah. Like that will draw listeners.


Ramona said...

Keep going Nev. Seriously, this post is too short. I've heard you on the phone giving advice to your guy friends for like hours, and all your female readers get is a 5-minute read.

I feel another 3-part series coming on...

Anonymous said...

Ramona has heard the advice you give me? Oh dear......

Ramona said...

No, don't worry. He goes in the other room. I can't hear anything. But he is in there a long time...

Another Suburban Mom said...

I have to agree with all of them. Also, I know from my pre-marital experience, if I slept with a guy on the first date, I wasn't interested in a future either.

I mostly would have thought he was hot,and wanted to fuck the guy before he bored me with his stupidity and lack of conversational skills.