Sunday, July 18, 2010

Feeling Fat In An Airplane Seat: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

Last Friday, I went to California's Burbank Airport to catch a plane to meet my wife Ramona in Las Vegas for her birthday weekend. And as I boarded the plane and sat down, I found myself asking the following question:

Am I getting fat?

Now I'm 5-foot-10, 170 pounds, and more or less have been that since I graduated college. So I was fairly certain that my size was not the problem. But the problem, I realized, was that airplane seats had gotten far smaller, to the point where I -- a relatively thin fellow -- felt packed in like a sardine.

I mean, I feel for fat people in this case. I really, truly do. They must be miserable when traveling in economy class. How, I wonder, do they not get stuck? Are they allowed to bring butter on the plane to grease themselves before and during the flight so they can slide right off when needed?

I'm not trying to be mean here. I'm just posing an honest question.

This is just one of many things I don't understand about today's airplane industry.

Here are two more:

1) The size of the bathrooms.

Now airplane bathrooms have always been small. And honestly, you don't really need it to be all that big. What I never understood is how, given the size of the lavatory, people have been able to join what's known as The Mile High Club.

Every guy in their life has been asked 100 times over the course of his existence by his fellow man if he is a member of this exclusive club. And to those who have answered yes, I say to you:

You're lying.

I mean, you must be. I can barely fit in there. How the hell can you fit both you and one other person know, position yourselves?

I mean...are you midgets?

Because that's the only explanation I can think of.

And 2) Having to pay for airplane food.

Now this stuns me. Airplane food was never good. In fact, unless you pay thousands to sit in first class, you've probably never tasted good airplane food. I'll never forget how, on my way to Philadelphia in 1998, American Airlines handed me a bag of food on the way onto the plane, because I was no longer deemed important enough for them to serve me my food.

Well apparently, I'm now no longer worthy enough to be given this food free of charge.

I mean: $3 for chips? $5 for cookies? $10 for a ham and cheese croissant? Is the airplane industry hurting that bad? And why the hell would you pay $10 for a croissant? Are you that hungry? Do you not realize that if you eat too much, you won't be able to get out of your seat?

Unless, of course, you grease yourself with butter.


And now for this week's:


Jon Bon Jovi recently tore a calf muscle while playing a concert at the New Meadowlands Stadium in New Jersey.

Bon Jovi.

Getting old.

That's gotta be one of the seven signs of global doom, don't you think?


Joey said...

Bon Jovi? That's just sad.

Josh said...

Dude seriously! Airplane seats these days r wack

Sandy said...

The airplane industry are thieves pure and simple

Bob said...

It's because of the gas cost

Howard said...

I feel like a sardine on an airplane

Former Pilot said...

I used to work for an airplane and you would be amazed at how much time they spend measuring airplanes to determine exactly how many seats they can jam in there without getting people stuck. It truly is disgusting. They don't care for passengers at all.

Mike said...

All I can really say here is that Virgin America, while it has its issues, has never made me feel truly packed into my seat (and they're leather!), serves expensive but shockingly decent food (in other words, if I paid ten bucks for the equivalent dish in NYC, I wouldn't feel ripped off), and has...tiny bathrooms where you'd barely be able to have two people kiss, much less do anything else. So two out of three. :)

Seriously though, Virgin America is hands-down my airline of choice nowadays. Try it out sometime!