Saturday, July 31, 2010

Action Movies Vs. Chick Flicks: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

Here's one of the great dynamics my wife Ramona and I have: When we go to the movies, we both like the films that the other gender typically favors. I like a lot of the chick flicks she likes. She digs a lot of the action films I enjoy. It's a nice overlap, making for a pleasant experience for when we're deciding what movie to go see.

But last night as we were walking out of "Inception" (great movie), we came across a huge display for "The Expendables", an action movie with a distinct 1980s-ish feel with a crazy star-studded action star cast (Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, Jet Li, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dolph Lundgren, among others) that's coming out Aug. 13.

"Oh yeah, we're definitely seeing that opening night," I said to Ramona as we walked by the display."

"Or," she replied, "that weekend we could first see 'Eat Pray Love.'''

Now I didn't say anything at this point, but my lovely wife had just committed a cardinal sin of marriage: Suggesting a chick flick over a movie starring Sylvester Stallone. I mean, no good comes of this. The man's not happy because he's seeing a chick flick over Sly. And the woman's not happy because the man, ultimately, becomes less of a man before her very eyes.

Nonetheless, I had to play caring, attentive husband. So I asked the Ramona the following:

"What's 'Eat Pray Love' about?"

Well, it was originally this great book!! See, this woman was married, wasn't happy, and so she gets a divorce and...

And I have already checked out of this conversation. While Ramona goes on about this woman divorcing a guy and trying to find herself by doing yoga in India, I think to myself: I can't believe I am seeing another movie starring Sylvester Stallone and Dolph Lundgren in my lifetime. Hell, I thought Dolph was dead!! Damn, are we living in exciting times.

And so then the woman goes to Italy to learn about food. Then she goes to Bali to learn about balance...

You know what me and my buddies need to do before seeing "The Expendables"? See a bunch of Dolph Lundgren movies. We'll call it "Dolph Fest." It will get us in the proper mindset.

And then she goes back to India and does more yoga!! And then she thinks: 'I should write a book!'

Preliminary "Dolph Fest" movie list: Rocky IV (obviously), Universal Solider, and "Showdown In Little Tokyo", where Dolph plays a big white guy who's a ninja.

And it's all a book, Nev!! She use her book advance to go to all these places. Isn't that amazing!?!

I'll tell you what's amazing: That Ramona thinks I've been listening this whole time. And that "Expendables" also stars both World Wrestling Entertainment legend "Stone Cold" Steve Austin and UFC star Randy Couture. How were they able to co-exist on the same screen? Does Couture respect pro wrestling or put it down as fake? Does "Stone Cold" give props to mixed martial arts, or think that one of his patented "Stone Cold Stunners" would put Couture down?

I wonder if the two of them fight in the movie. That would be sweet!!!

So what do you say, Nev? How does Eat Pray Love sound?

And I turned to my lovely wife:

"Like a movie you should go see with your mom."

Because I'm going to see "Expendables".

And I've got "Dolph Fest" to plan.


And now for this week's:


This is just wrong.

The New York tourist hot spot Serendipity 3 has made it to the Guinness World Records for the world's most expensive hot dog: a rare truffle-slathered sausage priced at $69.

The dog is grilled in white truffle oil and it's served in a homemade pretzel-style bun that's brushed with truffle butter. This hot dog is topped with duck foie gras, caramelized Vidalia onions, black truffle Dijon mustard and homemade heirloom tomato ketchup.

Problems? Let's review:

1) The price. That's obvious.

2) Duck foie gras.

I shouldn't have to explain the issue there.

3) Fancy onions, mustard and ketchup.

Why the hell would anyone want to pay ridiculous prices for fancy condiments? Furthermore, why the hell would anyone want to pay for condiments in the first place? This is insane!! Last I checked, you would get regular onions, mustard and ketchup -- AMERICAN onions, mustard and ketchup -- for free!! But some fancy, trendy New York craphouse has to try and upset the balance of power with truffle butter.

Hot dogs and the wheel: Two things you leave alone.


Joe said...

I want to go to Dolph Fest! I love Universal Soldier!!! LOL

Steph said...

Expendebles looks so fucking stupid but my BF is obsessed with it. Whats the big deal?

Anonymous said...


Bob said...

I can't believe you didn't mention Jason Straham. He's the star of that film. He's kick-ass.

Kevin said...

Glad to see that Ahnold is going back to movies, because he can't govern worth a damn.

Lisa said...

I read Eat Pray Love and it was an absolutely incredible book. I strongly recommend it to anyone reading this.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, that movie is a total guys film; though, the fact that you said you like chick flicks shows that you aren't worthy to see such a movie. You're such a wuss!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, that movie is a total guys film; though, the fact that you said you like chick flicks shows that you aren't worthy to see such a movie. You're such a wuss!

Dave said...

"Showdown In Little Tokyo" is awesome. I miss Brandon Lee.