Buying A House: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

Earlier this week, my wife Ramona and I bought a house.

We are now homeowners.

We are now going to have a mortgage.

We are now going to have to handle all home repairs ourselves.

(As I write that last line, I realize two things: 1) I don't own a hammer. And 2) I'm going to eventually have to decide on a plumber.)

In a way, we just had a kid. Only it's made out of wood.

Buying a home. Admittedly, I never thought it would happen this quickly. I mean, yeah, Ramona and I talked about it before we married last August. And this past January, we decided that we would start looking, But I thought it would take a lot longer than it did. I mean, you should've heard the horror stories we heard from some of our friends. "This takes forever." "You're going to be rejected 100 times." "Your Realtor is going to do everything he/she can to screw you...but use mine because he/she screwed us the least."

And then...boom!! We see a house on a Saturday, we put an offer in on a Sunday, and they accept our offer on a Monday.

And just like that, I'm responsible for eventual roof repairs.

As we begin the final stages of this process, I've come across the following realizations:

1) I am utterly useless when it comes to this process. Seriously. When it comes to home buying, it has been all Ramona. She looked at the listings, she asked the questions, she explained things to me using simple words and hand puppets. She's working with our Realtor, overseeing the home inspections, and is already picturing in her mind how our future backyard is going to look.

For the first time over the course of our nearly nine-year relationship, I find myself saying "Yes, dear" multiple times throughout the day. All of this is over my head. What Ramona wants, I want. What she says, I say. I simply nod, give money when told, and hand her my tax forms.

The woman is in charge. When it comes to the home buying process, I'm told this is common.

And 2) I drove to my future home the other night, parked across the street, stared at my front yard for a while, and it hit me:

I own trees.

I mean: I own this. This is all mine. See that grass? Mine. That window panel? Mine. Mailbox? Mine. Door handles? Mine. I am now officially the ruler of my own kingdom. I can have a real barbecue, paint things, take a piss in my backyard late at night when the mood strikes me, and no one can say anything because this -- all of this -- is totally, unequivocally 100% mine!!!

(at least, it will be in 30 years).

I'm going to name my trees.

One of them will be called:

Otis.

:-)

And now for this week's:

SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE

The Syfy channel is coming out with a TV movie called "Mega Piranha."

It's about giant piranhas with the ability to bite helicopters out of the air.

It stars former rockstar Tiffany.

And the dude who played Greg Brady.

I couldn't make this up if I tried.