Saturday, June 21, 2008

Celebrating Father's Day At A Gay-And-Lesbian Bar (Part 2): A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

(Don't forget to also check out my podcast entitled Things That Matter With Mike And Nev. Only at

Nevdogg Note: Last Sunday was Father's Day, and my dad -- lifetime hetrosexual Bob Barich -- wished to go to a gay-and-lesbian bar, The Abbey, for Father's Day. Now, while we at love the gay-and-lesbian community and are full proponents for the rights of all people regardless of their sexual preference...we just had to write about this. :-)

The following is Part 2 of a two-part series. Part 1 can be found here.


I'm like a lot of heterosexuals: I have gay friends and relatives and couldn't care less about a person's sexual preferences.

And I've never been to a gay-and-lesbian restaurant.

So when my dad wanted to go to one for Father's Day -- "because I like the food" -- I'll be honest: I was skeptical. What would the place be like? Would the food be any good? Would I stand out among the patrons?

And why the hell were we going here for Father's Day again?

Nev's Dad: I told you. I like the food.

Nev: And that's it?

Dad: Damn it, it's good food!! Read nothing more into this. And don't write about this on your blog!!


So, without further adieu:


Food and drink...just like the heteros. California's Westside, where The Abbey is located, is full of "foo-foo" restaurants where the food portions are small and yet prices are extraordinary because you're paying for the atmosphere.

A concept Valley boys like me never subscribed to. :-)

But I was thrilled to see that this restaurant, like my hetero hangouts, had ample food portions, for those of us with hearty appetites. Big-sized burgers, heaping portions of fries, manly eggs and potatoes, huge desserts, etc. Ignoring the fact that all the sandwiches had watercress -- instead of good old-fashioned American nutritionless iceberg lettuce -- the food was similar to a redneck Texas steakhouse.

I myself had chocolate cinnamon french toast.

And it was yummy!!

But next time, The Abbey, ease up on the hazelnuts, OK?


Baby, get your hand off my shoulder. OK, I have to be honest. During this experience, there were two "I like gays, I have no problem with gays, I have friends who are gays, I'm totally open-minded, but yet they're doing something that's totally weirding me out" moments.

1) Our waiter, Tyler, had this habit of putting his hand on patrons' shoulders every time he came to one of his tables. Not a pat, mind you, but a bonafide steady grasp. My right shoulder was no exception.

Baby, can I get you some more diet coke? Hand on shoulder.

Baby, is everything good here? Hand on shoulder.

Baby, would you like to see a dessert menu? Hand on shoulder.

And it didn't help that the dude had the grip of a bear. It's bad enough that you're grabbing my shoulder even though I didn't put out the "grab my shoulder" vibe. But if you're gonna insist on doing this, show a softer touch.

That's all I'm sayin'.

And 2) It's weird when one man calls another man "baby." It's just creepy. There, I said it. I mean, it's just not natural. Take a survey among heterosexual men and they'll tell you that they feel more weirded out watching men call other men "baby" than watching men kiss.

Men kissing? Fine. You see that on television all the time these days.

But calling each other "baby"?



TVs in the bathroom? Brilliant!! Now this is a concept that heterosexual restaurants have to steal. Above every urinal at The Abbey is a little flatscreen TV, so you can enjoy the wonders of television while going about your business. Brilliant!! Absolutely brilliant!! I used to think that the people at Chilis and TGI Fridays were geniuses for putting the sports section of USA Today above their pee stations, but The Abbey and their flatscreens blow them out of the water.

I truly believe that if more homophobic males learned about this "TV above the urinals" thing, there would be less homesexual oppression in this country. So I say to you, my gay brothers: Make the first move. Extend the olive branch out to non-open-minded heteros and say, "Hey guys, we're a lot like you. We like big food portions, unlimited soda refills, and our bathrooms allow us to watch TV while we piss."

Believe me: Your message will get through.

And now for this week's:


Me and some co-workers decided to order some pizza for the lunch the other day, and while on hold to order three large pies from my good friends at Papa John's, a lady came on the line and said the following:

Thank you for holding. Please hold.

Not once. But twice.

Thank you for holding. Please hold.

Putting me on hold.

Then taking me off hold to tell me to hold.


Now that's service.

(This week's blog is dedicated to my friends Elly and Jeremy, whom on June 18 welcomed their first child, Max Orion Treat, into the world. Congratulations guys!! And remember: It's never too early to read to your kids.)


That's right: The Nevdogg can now be found in podcast form!! I -- along with New York City voice actor and producer Michael Feldman -- have taken my blog...and essentially started talking about it. :-) It's Things That Matter With Mike And Nev. Check it out at

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Anonymous said...

Food? LOL, whatever!
Stop trying to pretend that you didn't like the attention from your waiter who called you "baby". Did he say "No one puts baby in the corner!"?

Stephanie said...

Mmm... a gay bear-like waiter. Yes, please!