Saturday, May 17, 2008

Yearning For A Handicap-Parking Sticker For My Own Selfish Use: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

I want a handicap-parking sticker so I no longer have to drive around a parking lot 18 times to find a parking space.

There, I said it.

If we were all together in a room right now, and I asked how many of you have had to drive aimlessly around a parking lot until you could find a space, each one of you would have their hand raised high. It’s ridiculous. Finding a parking space sometimes is like navigating through a minefield of wired, hulking steel, with so many cars maneuvering around to find one or two empty spots. And let’s not forget how we scope out the people who appear to be walking to their cars, following behind them like the paparazzi follow Britney Spears as she puts her children on the roof of her SUV and then forgets where they are.

And that’s not even talking about the danger factor. The scariest drivers on Earth aren’t found on the 405 Freeway as they race to catch a flight at LAX. No, the scariest drivers are found at cramped parking lots, where everyone is driving at breakneck speeds in a confined space desperate to park somewhere, making hairpin turns and turning a blind eye to anyone and everyone in their path.

How many of you have almost been killed multiple times while in a busy parking lot? My current count is at 14.

And once we finally find a space – way in the back row, a five-minute walk from whatever location we’re trying to get to – we inevitably pass by the handicap spots, all empty, and all close by.

Beautiful, empty, close-by spaces.

And the man says you need a sticker to park in one.

It’s not right.

My mom disagrees with me. My mom – who along with myself had a crazy parking lot adventure while going to a Mother’s Day lunch last weekend – argued that the use of handicapped spaces by the non-handicapped would mean that those who were handicapped would be forced to park far away. She also said that parking far away and walking a few minutes is no big deal for healthy people, and that parking in a space not designated for you is unethical.

My thoughts:

Those who are handicapped would be forced to park far away. Not true. Handicapped spaces are never full. Ever. Know why? Because elderly people either a) no longer drive, or b) are too proud to use the handicap sticker. These are facts, people. I’m not taking away the privilege from somebody else. I’m putting the privilege to actual use. Isn’t it my right – nay, my duty – as an American to enjoy such liberties?

Parking far away and walking a few minutes to your destination is no big deal for healthy people. That’s not the point!! The point is that I shouldn’t have to walk far in the first place. If I wanted to walk far, I wouldn’t have driven to begin with. Walking far after driving defeats the entire purpose of the automotive age.

Parking in a space not designated for you is unethical. Tell me if you feel the same way after someone rams me with their Hummer because they drove 120 miles an hour toward what they thought was an open parking space, but was actually a space occupied by a small, compact car.

It’s bound to happen sooner or later. Law of averages.

I wish my grandparents were still alive so I could swipe their handicap-parking sticker.

Oh well.

I guess I’ll park in those "expectant mothers" parking spaces that are currently all the rage.

Those spaces use the honor system.


And now for this week’s:


In last week’s blog, I wrote about how Jennifer Aniston and Orlando Bloom were rumored to be an item, according to OK! Magazine. Well, since then I have gotten countless e-mails and text messages telling me how sooooooooo behind the times I am when it comes to the men in Jen’s life. Observe:

Nev, Orlando Bloom and Jennifer Aniston are sooooo over. Jennifer and John Mayer are an item now.

Nev, your news on Jen is sooooo last week. Jen and John is what’s happening today.

I thought Jennifer Aniston was dating John Mayer now?

OMG!!! Did Jen break up with John? Does that mean he’s single?!?

This tells me two things:

1) Jennifer Aniston is having commitment issues since her breakup with Brad Pitt. First, there was Vince Vaughn, then Orlando Bloom, then John Mayer, and I think there was a European model somewhere in there. Jenny is going through men like she went through hairstyles on Friends.

And 2) The folks who updated me on Jennifer Aniston’s personal life have no lives of their own.

Or they have boring and pointless jobs.

I still love you, though. :-)

(The more people who know about, the better a place the world will be.)


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Lainie said...

Nev, you say that handicapped spots are NEVER full, but tell me, my dear friend, if everyone were permitted to park in them, then is it not true the spots would then always be full rendering the legitimate handicapped individual shit out of luck when it came to finding a parking space? Sorry babe, love ya' but I'm with your moms on this one!

Nev said...

But in order for your theory to prove true, my dear Lainers, many others like myself would need to have the drive and determination to obtain a handicap-parking spot via illegal means. And I see that number being small, whether it be because a) most people are kind, courteous folks like yourself who respect the need of the handicap spaces to be solely for the handicapped, or b) most people are just lazy. :-) Either way, I think we can both get what we want. (wink)

Stephanie said...

This is why I only go to places that have valet.

Elly and Jeremy said...

I have still yet to have the privilege of parking in an "expectant mothers" space. If there happens to be one of these infamous spaces, there is usually only one space…and it’s already taken. :(

wheelchair ramp said...

The handicap spots are there for good reason. For those that need them and are entitled to them.

JC said...

I'm a paraplegic. I drive a pickup. My experiences, and the experiences of many of my para and quad friends, have always been that there are not enough handicap spots as it is now, and most of the time at least one is taken by a lazy AB like you. I don't mind parking far away-I'm not lazy. I shattered 2 vertebrae in an accident. I only need the extra room between my driver side door and the next vehicle over in order to be able to get my chair out of the cab of the truck. If i can find a spot where I can park near a curbed median, or shopping cart return area, I will park there before going to a handicap spot. I already see enough ABs who think they're special parking in handicap spots. If you want to park in a handicap spot, you need to get a leg amputated, break your spinal cord, develop MS or MD, or suffer an injury or disability that will give you a necessity to park there. Those spots are not for convenience of ABs, they are there for people who need them. I hate that I need one, but sometimes, I do. You complain about having to park too far away and walk to wherever you are going. I WISH I could walk at all. How spoiled you are to walking. How ignorant you are of the truths of disabilities. How arrogant of you to think that your laziness trumps the necessities of others. I have called towing services before, as have others I know with disabilities, so remember to be careful if u ever decide to park in a handicap spot. Some people with legitimate disabilities don't get mad at lazy asses, they get tow trucks. Then the lazy asses get to pay the fines they deserve for being such jerks, and have to walk or take the bus to places like the impound to get their cars back.

Mandy said...

This has to be the single most IGNORANT thing I've ever read! It irrates me that someone so selfish could ever stoop to this kind of thinking! Oh, poor us who aren't disabled, we have to walk a whole 5 minutes, sad. Got news for ya buddy, those who are disabled would LOVE to HAVE to walk 5 minutes! You speak about elderly people, how about the young people who aren't able to walk or have trouble walking? Did you consider them on your careless search to get a handicapped tag for you own selfish pleasure? Yes, I often see handicapped spots open. There are usually 3 or 4 on each side. Parking spots are, what, 8 feet? So you're having to walk a total of 24-32 feet? Are you freaking kidding me?! If I was your mom I would slap you across the face for being so inconsiderate. And the fact that you posted this to a public forum for the world to see as if it's something you're proud of just absolutely blows my mind. I think you are pathetic and that this post is a joke. I'm so sorry that you have to walk a few minutes, wow..that must be absolute torture. Probably a lot like the torture that paras a quads go through when they see you walking by as they are wishing and praying that one day they will be able to walk as well. This just flat pisses me off. You are a careless, worthless, pathetic jerk who so inconsiderate of others' needs that you would rather have someone who cannot physically walk, or has extreme difficulty walking, park in the back just so you can spare yourself a few effortless steps. I hope you never have to know what it's like to be the one actually NEEDING the handicapped spot, but should that day come I hope you at least remember how selfish and lazy you are, and I hope an AB takes the last handicapped spot, leaving you to struggle getting to your destination, if you can even find a spot that allows you to get out of the car.

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