Saturday, May 31, 2008

Watching Gourmet Chefs Struggle To Cook Scrambled Eggs: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

(Don't forget to also check out my podcast entitled Things That Matter With Mike And Nev. Only at

Like many people, I like a little reality TV every now and again. I'm a huge fan of Survivor and I've watched the last few seasons of Dancing With The Stars. But I think we definitely go too far when we see a television show about Denise Richards' home life, or exploring the dirty little secrets that go on inside the tanning salon business.

This week on Sunset Tan: Andrea feels overworked, and Mandy is tired of cleaning the tanning beds!!

C'mon people: Sometimes, we have to draw the line.

This is why I'm not into any of these cooking reality shows, like Hell's Kitchen or anything you'd find on the Food channel. But my girlfriend Ramona loves Top Chef -- where a bunch of gourmet chefs compete against each other for the prize of being ... I don't know, better than everyone else, I guess -- and convinced me to watch an episode of it with her.

Now, I preface this blog by saying that I watched exactly seven minutes of Top Chef. Believe me, that was about six minutes and 53 seconds too long.

With that in mind:


The gourmet chefs get woken up at 5:45 a.m. and are told they are going to compete in something called a "Quickfire Challenge." Apparently, each of these chefs will spend some time being a short order cook in a Chicago diner during breakfast time, cooking eggs.

"Let's get the egg out of here," one of the chefs say.

I hate this show already.


One of the male gourmet chefs is worried.

I was a short order cook for six or seven years, so I feel like I may an advantage. But I haven't cooked eggs in the longest time, and that's a concern.

I haven't cooked eggs in the longest time. Is he serious? How can anyone not cook eggs recently? I mean, they're eggs!! I never cook, and even I have cooked eggs in recent memory.

Damn good eggs, I might add.

With sausage.


One of the female gourmet chefs has a look around her work station.

Why is everything so greasy? I hate when things are so greasy. I can't work with grease.

I literally am begging someone to spray her with lard. Right now.


Another male contestant is struggling under the weight of having all the wattresses giving him different egg orders. One person wants his eggs poached, another scrambled, the third one over-easy.

This causes the guy to throw his hands up in the air and ask:

Doesn't anyone care about the presentation?!?

The camera pans to the owner of the diner. She's shaking her head.

Glad to see someone is sane on this show.


I ask my girlfriend a question you can only ask while watching Top Chef:

Which one is the guy who cooked eggs but no longer cooks eggs but is worried about once again cooking eggs? Has he cooked his eggs?

Yes, I was told.

How'd he do?

The yolk, I was told, fell on the floor when he broke his shell.



And finally, remember the "let's get the egg out of here" guy?

This is ridiculous. I am an artist!! I don't work on friers.

And it was right about then, seven minutes into the show, that I had seen enough.

"But you're gonna miss who had the best eggs!!" my girlfriend said.

Somehow, some way, I'll get by.

And now for this week's:


My friend Shandon recently informed me that there's a Nevin Avenue in Los Angeles.

'Bout bloody time.

Nice to see the city finally responded to my letters.

(Cool kids tell their friends about C'mon, everyone's doing it.)


That's right: The Nevdogg can now be found in podcast form!! I -- along with New York City voice actor and producer Michael Feldman -- have taken my blog...and essentially started talking about it. :-) It's Things That Matter With Mike And Nev. Check it out at

Hey, guess what? I'm trying to make a living writing blogs about the dumb things of everyday life. How am I doing this? With the help of the folks at, an online training resource that shows you how to run your own online business (Online Training, Online Business. My God, it fits!!). Find out more at

The best sportswriters in the world are women (I have always said this). And the best in the world is none other than my girlfriend Ramona Shelburne, sports columnist for the Los Angeles Daily News. Read more about her at

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Stephanie Friedberg. She’s a writer, she writes a blog about the art of writing, and she’s one of the few women on Earth who understand Major League Baseball’s "infield shift" concept. Read what she has to say at


Dave said...

You are incorrect sir, and your girlfriend is right on.

Top Chef rocks.

Elly and Jeremy said...

Now, if they only had one of the Egg Wonder Cooker 2000 devices that you see on infomercials where the egg fantastically and amazingly cook in .25 seconds....

And if you get the Super Egg Eonder Cooker actually cooks the egg backwards in time, before you even think of wanting to cook an egg.

Now that's progress!

Stephanie said...

I'm on team Ramona - Top Chef is awesome.

Lainie said...

Nev, do you remember the name of the Chicago restaurant? If not, I'm sure Ramona does....get back to me on that one!

Never, ever watched Top Chef...nor any of the other cooking reality shows. I'm with you on this one buddy.