Saturday, February 12, 2011

The Bane Of All Male Existence: Valentine's Day: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

Nevdogg Note: One of the first blog posts I ever wrote was about how men hated Valentine's Day. And with the "holiday" two days away, I thought I would repost my Valentine's Day blog from 2008, since my feelings haven't changed. For my new readers, enjoy. For my original readers, enjoy this trip down memory lane.

This Monday marks one of the most painful days of the year in the life of the non-single man. It's a day we dread, a day we fear, a day that makes us sag our shoulders at the mere thought.

They call this horror of horrors: Valentine's Day.

Now, all the men reading this know exactly where I'm coming from, nodding and thinking, "Amen, my brother. The truth must finally be told." So it's to you, female audience of Nevin's blogs, that I'm speaking to today.

If a man has a girlfriend, fiancee or wife, he despises Valentine's Day. Why?

1) Money. When Valentine's Day is over, the man's wallet is going to be a couple of hundred dollars less (and that's IF the woman in question is easy to please). Flowers, candy, dinner...everything is jacked up price-wise on this Hallmark-created holiday. And businesses know that a man can't skimp on the festivities, lest he do so at his own peril.

I once suggested to a former girlfriend that we go to Dennys on Feb. 14 and that she pretend to be 56 in order to get the senior citizen price on the pancakes.

The idea didn't fly.

So businesses charge their exorbitant fees on Valentine's Day and laugh to themselves, knowing that they've got us by the testicles.

2) Pressure. Here's an interesting observation I've made over the last several Valentine's Days. Giving in and paying $50 for $10 roses is no longer good enough. Today's women want something different, special, something that sets them apart from their girlfriends. It's like the man is caught in the middle of a female pissing contest.

So not only does the man have to shell out a lot of money, but now he's expected to put in some thought? What are we supposed to do? Learn the guitar and write you a love song? Take you to the circus and arrange to be shot out of a cannon while we scream "I love you" as we go soaring over the horizon? Buy you a car?

Money and thought? C'mon!!

3) It's not fair. I saw a jewelry commercial the other day with the tagline, "This Valentine's Day, show her how much you care." Well, where's the "show him" commercials? When was it decided that Valentine's Day was only about one gender? When did men get left out in the cold? Do we not have some sort of role in the whole "couples" concept?

All I want is for there to be a commercial for me. How about: "On Valentine's Day, show him you care: Madden 2011 for the Playstation 3."

Is that too much to ask?

So, non-single ladies, I'd like to end with this:

If on Valentine's Day, your man did not step up to your expectations, remember: It's not that he doesn't love you...'s that he can't afford you.


And now for this week's:


Lindsay Lohan may be headed to jail again.

Shock of shocks.


Nicole said...

I don't get you, Nev. You do all this romantic stuff for Ramona for Valentine's Day, then you diss it? Makes no sense.

Josh said...

Valentine's blows. That's why I'm still single

Joseph said...

Valentine's Day: Oh how the wallet hurts.

Carlos said...


Emily said...

My boyfriend and I don't celebrate Valentine's Day. It's a stupid "holiday" created by Hallmark

Emily said...

Emily, dump your boyfriend because you're my dream girl

Greg said...

This must be re-run season for Nev, first the Super Bowl and now this :-p

Amber said...

I'm with Emily. Kev and I don't participate in Hallmark holidays. Mother's Day, Father's Day, Take Your Cousin's Bulldog To Work Day. None of it.

Valentine's Day expenditure in our house? $0

And yet our marriage is not in jeopardy. Odd, eh? ;)

Nev said...

Greg, I give myself a mini 2-week break in February :-)