Saturday, May 8, 2010

The "OH MY GOD!!! I OWN A HOUSE!!! WHAT THE $%$#%@&% HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO" Moment: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

It finally hit me yesterday.

I own a home.

Yesterday, my wife Ramona and I officially got the keys to our new house, after a month of Ramona handling the inspections, documents, down payment arrangements, and in general making sure we weren't getting screwed over on anything.

My contribution during this process was mostly nodded and agreeing on everything she did and said.

So by the time we were actually handed the keys yesterday, Ramona had plenty of time to process the fact that, yes, we are indeed buying something with a roof. But I, playing catchup, didn't really come to this revelation until yesterday.

And here's the funny thing:

My "OH MY GOD!!! I OWN A HOME!!! WHAT THE %$#%$#@& AM I GETTING MYSELF INTO?!?!" moment didn't occur when we wrote the first deposit check. It didn't occur as we went through escrow. It didn't occur as we signed the loan documents (which, contrary to popular belief, is not that bad of a process). It didn't even occur when Ramona and I walked to the bank to take almost everything out of our joint account to pay the rest of the down payment, with her declaring loudly to the bank teller and any robbers and muggers nearby that "WE HAVE A LARGE SUM OF MONEY TO TAKE OUT TODAY!!!!"

No, my OMG moment occurred when I walked into my -- my -- backyard and realized something:

I'm gonna have to water these flowers.

And despite the fact that it was 85 degrees outside, I suddenly got very, very cold.

I realized that these plants were my responsibility. Then I realized that so was the fence, walls, living room, garage, walls, kitchen, appliances, front yard, bedrooms, closets, bathrooms, and the washer and dryer. It was all on my shoulders now; no parents or landlord to rely on.

And my sudden fears and anxieties over this manifested in my new backyard.

"When should I water the plants? How do I use the misting water things? What about this drip-sprinkler system I heard about? How often do I water? Are those flowers dying? What are river rocks? We have a tool shed? What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?" I asked Ramona in about a four-second span.

Understand this: I haven't had a backyard in quite a while. It's practically foreign to me. And when I did have one, gardeners did the work. I didn't -- and don't -- have the first damn clue on how to proceed.

And thus, I did the following:

Turned on my new hose.

Sprayed the plants with water.

Spent 10 minutes trying to figure out how to turn off the hose.

Tried the water misting system.

Flipped out about now knowing how long I should let the plants be misted.

Turned off the mist.

Went back inside.

Stared at my living room ceiling.

Lied down on my living room floor.

Stared at my ceiling some more.

Went back outside.

Turned on the mist again.

Turned off the mist.

Went back inside.

And afterwards: My path was clear.

Monday morning...

...I'm calling a gardener.


And now for this week's:


Kim Kardashian is "proud to rock the mom jeans."

You can read a whole article about it here.

Yes, please do. Please read an article about Kim and her mom jeans.

Because, you know, it's not like there aren't other pressing issues in the world that should take up our time, focus and concern.

Kim and her mom jeans. That's what counts.

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