Being Asked To Write Blogs About Random, Idiotic Topics: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

Every once in a while, a friend of mine will ask me to write a blog on some random, idiotic topic. Now while I've created a entire blog universe writing about random, idiotic topics, what people don't often realize is that there's an art form to it. See, not every random, idiotic topic speaks to everybody. Some random, idiotic topics are narrower in scope than others, and it's my job to decipher which random, idiotic topics get written up, and which ones don't.

It's a thankless job. :-(

So when I get a request from a friend to write about attending a Catholic wedding or people who put their dogs in purses, I often politely decline. My latest request for a blog topic?

Slurpees.

I get a message on Facebook from my friend Ian:

Ask me about my Slurpee adventure. Great blog stuff.

Uh-huh.

Though thoroughly unconvinced, I tried to keep an open idea as Ian and I got in contact and he began telling me about how the frozen beverage affected his day. Evidently, he went to his local 7-11 to buy a Slurpee and when he went to the counter to purchase it, he whipped out his debit card only to find out that the minimum charge for the debit card was $3 and his Slurpee only cost $1.79.

"So I didn't buy it and went to a second 7-11," he said. "But they had the same thing too with the debit card. So I went to a third one and they let me use my debit card. But they only had banana flavor and I hate banana, but by that point I was tired so I bought it."

The. End.

Now: I consider myself a fairly talented writer. But trying to make an entertaining blog out of that ridiculous story and parting seas are two things not in my skill set.

So after breaking the news that "No Ian, I'm not going to make this into a blog because...well, I'm just not" I nonetheless had the following questions:

Question 1:

Nev: Why didn't you just spend an extra $1.21 at the first 7-11 so you could use your card?

Ian: It was the principle of the matter!! Why should I be forced to buy something extra I don't need?

Nev: Ian, it was an extra $1.21.

Ian: Ian says no!!!

Right.

Question 2:

Nev: Did it ever occur to you that you were spending more than $1.21 in gas going to the other two 7-11s?

Ian: Maybe so, but I was making a statement.

Nev: Dude, it's a buck-twenty-one."

Ian: I'm a patriot!!

I'm. A. Patriot.

You can't make this stuff up.

Question 3:

Nev: So you ended getting a banana Slurpee, which you hated.

Ian: Right.

Nev: Just out of curiosity, at the first 7-11, did you make a Slurpee to your liking?

Ian: Yeah. Cherry and blueberry. My favorite.

Nev: So basically, you spent more money and wasted more time to buy a Slurpee you didn't want?

(pause)

Ian: Maybe so. But I kept my dignity.

Wow.

So anyways:

Ian: So are you gonna make this a blog or not?

Nev: Not.

Ian: Why?

Nev: Oh, I don't know. It's STUPID!?!?

Ian: Write about my suffering!!

Nev: What suffering? You refused to spend $1.21 and ended up spending more for something you didn't want!! That's not suffering, that's lunacy.

Ian: But I wanna be a part of your blog!!

Nev: I'm sorry, Ian. But some dreams go unfulfilled.

(pause)

Ian: OK then, so what random, idiotic topic are you gonna write about this week?

Nev: Oh, you know me. I'll think of something.

:-)

And now for this week's:

SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE

I recently got in touch with a dude in New Zealand named Nevdog Williams!! Seriously, the guy is named Nevdog and he lives on the other side of the world. U.S. Nevdogg and Kiwi Nevdogg have been sending messages through Facebook. He has license plates that say "Nevdog" on them, and he said that if I'm ever in New Zealand, he'll take me pig farming!!!

:-)